Tired.

People ask me am I resting enough?  People ask if I am getting enough sleep?  Yes and no, to both questions.  I sleep a full 8hrs each night, but no I don't rest or nap in the day.  When I was so sick from chemo, recovering from all that cell-rebuilding, I had to slow down.  You can't even make yourself try when you are chemo-exhausted.  And I hated always being on the couch those days.  I was so glad when I could walk myself to where the kids were, or even just sit at the table while they ate dinner.  And now that I am not chemo-sick, I don't want to be on the couch anymore.  I want my kids to see me upright, come to me when I am standing in the kitchen, I want to walk to them and with them.  And so I don't rest.  Funny, my oncologist (last appointment) told me to rest, "you still have cancer".  I am aware.  I just feel... wrong... to waste time sleeping or napping when I could be listening or taking in the life swirling around me.  [smile]  I did nap the other day, I am so tired from our epic Florida trip and mentally exhausted with the school-starts-in-a-week and just figuring things out and transitioning and just every day stuff.  And I am tired.  I wake up tired after a full night of sleep.  I am exhausted by 3pm and ready for bed, only forcing myself to stay awake til 9 or 10pm because I don't want to miss anything or be lame.  Today I ate some children's chewable vitamins to buoy my energy levels before C0stc0, maybe it helped a little, I don't know.  I did come home and make lunches (buns, meat, cheese, cucumbers and some chips for everyone... ah, memories of my childhood) and then watched part of Epic with the kids after making a huge pot of spaghetti sauce and getting that simmering.  So I am feeling that I am accomplishing things, that's awesome. 

Just figuring out a new routine, that's all.  Can't believe our summer holiday is drawing to a close.  We have sure packed in a LOT of good living this summer... we are blessed to 'usually do' have an amazing summer!  I wish we could do it all again and again and again... but I do also know that the kids are going to love their school years and I am so looking forward to the adventures and opportunities that will bring each of my sweeties.

Mmmmm, seriously smells incredibly nummy in here today!  Off to switch laundry... oh, and a little man is standing here bored so I will go play Martian Dice with him before it's time to set the table and for daddy to come home.  I don't feel as energetic as I once did, but I am so happy to note that I am still accomplishing lots of 'normal'.  [smile]

Hope you are having a fantastic day!
Kristin