Loss

On Christmas Eve our family lost a dear cousin when Naomi passed away unexpectedly.  I was crushed and heartbroken and devastated by her death. I am heartbroken for Auntie Sharon and Uncle Norm and Naomi's brothers and the family.  I can't believe she is gone.  

My overwhelming back pain, the overwhelming jostling of my emotions between 'grateful to be alive for one more Christmas after cancer' and 'will this be my last Christmas', and then the overwhelming loss of a cousin I felt close to... It has just been a lot.  And when you can't cry because it hurts your ribs or sends your lungs to spasm... It just makes the processing that much harder. Tomorrow is the memorial for Naomi.  I am unable to attend because I will be at chemo.  Chemo.

Today we found out that my Uncle Alf has passed away (same side of the family, my Mom's side, Naomi's uncle-by-marriage).  Unexpected.  Sad news.  Again. I am heartbroken for my Auntie Mart and her family as they wrap their heads around this and transition to life without Uncle Alf.  He used to eat the ants off the picnic table when we went camping... for pretend... I think.  lol

Lord, we know these two have peace and rest in heaven with you.  We ask for your peace to us as we mourn. 

I don't want to answer the phone anymore.