- Peace for Shawn and I, for Kyle and Miranda and Braden and Connor, for our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews and inner circle friends watching and hurting as we go through this
- that God would keep soft our children's hearts toward Him through all the emotions of this hard journey
- strength and stamina; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- that the cancer shrinks to gone, gone, gone!
- gentle side effects to this second round of chemo
- family unity, harmony, love, strength, joy, happiness
- anything else you feel God puts on your heart

Saturday, January 18, 2014

January 18, 2014

This week has been a week of crisis'.  

When Shawn and I were home and I saw myself biting my hands because the pain was so overwhelming we knew we needed help. Came to hospital by ambulance.  It has taken til now (two weeks) to get the meds right and we are still working out dose.  The radiation brought pain flairs that are impossible to name.  White-hot to look at, searing embers of firewood to feel, the pressure of a large piece of steel machinery binding them frozen up and locked and impossible. This mind is a beautiful thing and God spare me the detailed understanding of this exact feelings.  But I am still full aware of them. Still praying them gone. 

And the constipation: 10 days.  I can't even begin to share that with you.  Nor can I share the next 24 hours of wicked cramps and cramps and full bladder and catheter. Great.  then a pain port to get meds in quick, which I love, but suddenly I feel like so many things in means no going home? 
My family is barely hanging on.  Dinners are whatever keri and kori can huck in the oven before they come to me. Mom and dad got some rest at home before coming back to this horrible bed of me writhing on agony. Mom and Dad and Keri and Kori are here every single day; reaching for water, adjusting pillow, adjusting the bed, being me a snack or juice, and and and.  please be loving them as they are helping keeps family getting home-renovating, and all the other stuff!!!!!!!

My eyes are extremely blurry and it is hard to type or read or blog.


  1. You are SO loved! Prayers & hugs for you & alllll your amazing supporters xox

  2. You are so brave Kristen. Thank you for your honesty. Praying that God will carry you through this valley. You are teaching us in your suffering.

  3. Thank you for all of your comments. Our family reads and cherishes each and every word. If you do not have a blog, you will need to make your comment 'anonymous' in order to leave a comment. We would love to hear who the comments are coming from, so please sign your name at the end of the comment! Thank you for all of your carefully chosen words, your love, and your prayers. ~Keri (Kristin's sister)

  4. Praying morning, noon, & night - and inbetween. For all of you. Love from Saskatchewan...

  5. Joshua 1:9 Be strong and of good courage....I am praying for strength and courage for all of you. Yvette C (used to be Williams)

  6. I love you. That's all I can say friend.

  7. Dear Kristin; You are so inspiring; brave to the core; positive even in the excruciating pain. I am loving on your sisters and praying for you, Shawn, your lovely children, Kori and Keri's family, your parents and Shawn's parents. So I will continue praying in faith for complete healing.

  8. We continue to pray for you and the whole family. Keep being strong and courageous. Love you.

  9. You have all been on my heart so much this week. Feeling very useless being so far away but continuing to pray often and asking God to surround you with His peace and love xo

  10. Praying for you my friend and for Shawn and your children and your loving extended family... You are loved and lifted up constantly. xo Tamalin

  11. You have all been on my heart so much this week. Feeling very useless being so far away but continuing to pray often and asking God to surround you with His peace and love xo

  12. No words just praying. My heart is heavy from one mamma of four to another. Rebecca

  13. sending you positive thoughts.

  14. sending you positive thoughts.

  15. Nothing I can say about this except my heart is heavy for you all. Thinking of you ALL the time.

  16. praying peace, love and relief from pain in Jesus name! We love you and think of you daily, many times daily.

  17. Interceding in prayer for you Kristen, you have such a gift in writing even in all your pain. Pray for release of your pain and sustaining strength for your entire family as they surround you in love:-) Edna

  18. With you in spirit cousin. I have no words, just thoughts and prayers to send your way.

  19. Praying for you! Thanking God for pain management that's being figured out and continuing to pray for total healing in Jesus name - he is able.

    Your eyes see everyday miracles Kristen. You are a joy hunter and a grace spreader and a truth teller. You bless us and magnify God through your life.

  20. Prayers sent from Ottawa Kristen. I found your blog when I Googled " paska" last year. You are one amazing woman,strong,fearless and going to get through this horrible time. Praying every day that your discomfort will be manageable and you get home to your family.

  21. Saw this lyrics on another FB page and wanted to share them. Love you my friend <3. God's got more years for you! Rebecca

    Heartbreak come, steals the color from my sky
    Blue and white, fade to black and gray
    Clouds collide, and tears fill up my eyes
    Storm winds steal the words I want to pray
    But deep inside of me
    There is a flame called faith
    And though tear drops fall
    There is a choice I have made
    I will dare to dream about tomorrow
    I will hold to hope through all of the pain
    I will never surrender to the sorrow
    No I will be a candle in the rain
    So I'll go on a light that's burning in the dark
    Reaching out to others all around
    And though lightning strikes
    And the thunder rolls
    I have no doubt God is still in control
    Repeat Chorus
    I will trust that life is more
    Than just what I see before me
    And a bright new day is up ahead
    Another chapter in the story
    Repeat Chorus

  22. Oh dear Kristen... and family. You are so heavy on my heart. I am awake early praying God will in his great mercy and love bring hope and strength and courage for this day.

  23. you & your family are in my prayers everyday


Connecting through comments: