We had our post-chemo, post-CT scan follow-up appointment yesterday.
The doctor, new to me, said quickly, "It's good news!" then, "the cancer responded favourably". So that was good and brought tears of relief. She also said, "your kind of cancer is not curable" and "you are feeling strong right now, you should do things that you want to do now" and "I will continue to closely monitor you and frequently". "The next time you have chemo it will be harder" and even though you can't just keep doing chemo forever "there are trials in Vancouver that you can be a part of". So, she seemed positive and that was good. She seemed to feel that we had options and that was good.
It was good news...but. She was very clear that the cancer is shrunk but that I still have cancer. The message was very much live in the now.
I am... overwhelmed and feeling so many things. This feels more a death sentence than the initial diagnosis did. Yesterday I was fighting to feel hope. Today I feel God smiling and holding us. I know He was yesterday, I was just overwhelmed again. I am scared of chemo ever again because it was so hard. I am trusting.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your path. ~ Bible
The chemo worked, the cancer is shrunk and there are no new shadows and my guts are clear. Praise God. The cancer is shrunk, please pray that it stays shrunk for years and years and years. I want to see my kids graduate, I want to be here when my daughter is pregnant with her first child, I want to be the mother at each of their weddings, I want to watch as they continue to grow and make friends and be friends and start dating and all of those things. I am ... in disbelief... and I am trusting in God's plan for us all. And I am breaking out into random tears and I am smiling and I am laughing and I am holding the warm-fuzzy moments in my heart and I hope that the dear ones around me are committing their special or warm-fuzzy or love-filled interactions with me to heart, too.
Please, pray for us. Father God, we want and need your peace.
God you hold each of us in the palm of your hand and nothing can ever change that. We run to you in times of anxiety and worry. Continue to pour your loving kindness and peace all through us. We ask this daily, hourly and even moment by moment.
ReplyDeleteLove you Kris!
Kristin, you are never far from my thoughts and you and your family are in my daily prayer. (I find myself praying with the kids as we drive around in the mini van for some strange reason... eyes open though :) And we talk about you and your family and how important it is to pray for others. Praying for a old-fashioned Pentecostal miracle for you! Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us, it's nice to know exactly what you need extra prayer for on any given day. I hope you feel lots of strength and lots of warm fuzzies!!! Hugs
ReplyDeleteJenni
Continuing to pray...and giving my children a lot of extra hugs and kisses today...every day is a precious gift. Sending much love from afar xo
ReplyDeleteWe will continue to pray!!
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for Gods peace and strength for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteRachel
My friend...I send you my love and my hugs and my prayers. I will continue to lift you up in prayer. You are constantly in my thoughts. xo Tamalin
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray - we love you!
ReplyDeleteI was praying for you yesterday, for peace and a God-focus, whatever the results. Praising God for you, thanking Him for His nearness to you & all your family, and praying for continued & ever-increasing wellness in your body & heart :) hugs, Devana
ReplyDeletePraying for peace for you and your family. ~Barb
ReplyDeletepraying xo
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for you on a daily basis, Kristen. God is able to see the big picture, because "He sees the storm from the other side" and "He sees the rainbow when we see only clouds". this is a song sung by the Collingswoods, and a reminder for us to trust Him because He sees what we don't.
ReplyDeletePraying for you Kristen, for peace,hope and healing!! Thx for the reminder to live in each moment that God gives us!
ReplyDeleteDear Kristin,
ReplyDeleteI went to high school with your sisters. I've been peeking in on your blog when it came up in my feed on Facebook. Last week my sister in law was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at age 37. She has a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. Immediately, my mother in law came out to support her. Within 3 days she had her first round of chemo and inside of a few days she lost all her hair. But we are hopeful and you should be too. My mother in law had terminal cancer over 20 years ago. She was given 3 mths to live. Instead of wallowing, she immediately started the Macro-biotic Diet and has NEVER ONCE wavered from it. On the diet, within 6 months, she had cut her cancer count by half, and within a year she was cancer free. 20 years later, she plays with her three grandchildren and the doctors say that she has less cancer in her than the average person. Now, her daughter has it, at the age of 37. My sister in law has already started the diet. WE KNOW it works, we have seen evidence of it. It is not difficult, but it is a lifestyle change as you have to make most foods from scratch and basically give up pre-packaged processed foods. I have lung issues and modern medicine failed me. Dr. Sleigh put me on this diet and it healed me inside out, when nothing else could. I stayed on it 6 years until I became pregnant and then needed the extra fats from a normal diet to help grow baby. If you can find the strength, see Dr. Edward Sleigh in Langley (Naturopathic Dr.) 604-534-9121 who started my mother in law on her diet. He is amazing and hopefully, you will find the strength to change your lifestyle by embracing this diet as quickly as possible. Stay strong and I pray you return to good health soon.
Kristen, I'm praying for you for healing, daily encouragement, strength for each moment, will to live each day, that you can keep your eyes on Jesus and that your family will continue to thrive and grow and love deeper and sweeter than ever before.
ReplyDeleteDear Kristin,
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for the Lord to grant you His peace that passes understanding and that you will be able to continually lean on Him. He is the Mighty One who knows all and our Great Provider. How wonderful to know that one day we will see our Saviour face to face and all these trials will be past. God bless you richly as you continue to put your trust in Him. You are bringing glory to Him!
Michi
Praying for you and your family continually and still believing for a miracle for you. All things are possible with God!
ReplyDelete