Cancer Agency: Vancouver Clinic

I got the call this morning.  My intake appointment in Vancouver is tomorrow morning.  I was shocked.  I was told that we wouldn't hear from them until Wednesday.  Once I got over that surprise I grabbed my notebook and pen and wrote down all the different appointment times, with who, what floor, where to park, etc.  It is going to be a long day.  The clinic pamphlet for new patients says the first appointment is 2-3 hours, they recommend eating a good meal and bringing a snack!  Whoa.

I have childcare and carpools arranged.   Shawn and Mom will come with me.  I'll bring my phone charger, my notebook and my snack.  Cancer clinic number, meds, Care Card.  Kleenex.  Courage.  Peace.  Trust.   My pockets will be overflowing with the prayers of my family and friends and so many people who barely know us but pray just the same.

I feel nervous.  A new doctor.  New clinic.  New routine.  New information to process.  New fears to quell.  New chemo to figure out.  New side effects to agree to.  New sparks of hope to fan gently so they can grow bigger and brighter and warmer and cast light further.

I feel exhausted just thinking about all the shoring up of my emotional and mental state to get through the long drive in, the waiting room, the blood taking, the second long waiting, the meeting of a new oncologist (so incredibly nerve-wracking), the drive home.   Just everything is a lot.

I am curious about what they will recommend.  I am interested in what they expect the new chemo to do and what the "clinical trial" means.  I am holding open my mind.

I really need your prayers.  I am greedy for them.  I ask politely, and I ugly-beg for them. 

I really want to feel secure with my new doctor, Dr. K.  I really want to feel a sense of "he knows what he's doing, he feels good about this, he has a plan and I can just sink into it and let it unfold around me". 

Cancer sucks.

I want it gone now.  I want it shrunk down and stunted and stopped.  I want the chemo to be gentle, the side effects to be completely manageable (mentally and physically), I want this to work 100%.  I want Shawn to be okay.  I want our kids to be okay.  I want my parents and sisters to be okay.  I want my inlaws and friends to be okay.  I just want to see this all work out for good... and by "for good" I ask that that means "healed in Jesus' name"!  Amen.

Thank you for reading this blog.  Thank you for holding us in your prayers.  Thank you for the many kindness so many of you have bestowed on us.  We need your help and are so grateful for your willingness to give it.  Thank you.

It was bound to happen...

Purse apple.

My purse.

She is rubbing off on me, that Mom of mine!   Love you, Mommapalooza!!!

Hard thoughts

Jesus Calling: September 30

I am perpetually with you,taking care of you. That is the most important fact of your existence. I am not limited by time or space; My Presence with you is a forever-promise. You need not fear the future, for I am already there. When you make that quantum leap into eternity, you will find Me awaiting you in heaven. Your future is in My hands; I release it to you day by day, moment by moment. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow.

I want you to live this day abundantly, seeing all there is to see, doing all there is to do. Don’t be distracted by future concerns. Leave them to Me! Each day of life is a glorious gift, but so few people know how to live within the confines of today. Much of their energy for abundant living spills over the time line into tomorrow’s worries or past regrets. Their remaining energy is sufficient only for limping through the day, not for living it to the full. I am training you to keep your focus on My Presence in the present. This is how to receive abundant Life, which flows freely from My throne of grace.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
—Matthew 6:34

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
—John 10:10

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
—James 4:13–15

____________

Kristin:   That "quantum leap into eternity"  stole my breath away.  I am not afraid of being dead, I will go to heaven.  My heart breaks at the thought of being missing from our kids' lives, them not having Their mom for talks about dating, buying her grad dress, wedding dress, happy-tears-streaming down my face as he stands so handsome waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle, grand babies and Christmas mornings, sports days, assemblies and book fair days.  I want them to remember me smiling and plump, laughing and listening, me as me not me with sad eyes and sad-crying.  I want so much more for them.  I am so sad this morning.  Having trouble keeping composed.  I really don't want to die.  I really am nervous about chemo again. I feel so many things and nothing.  I just will keep choosing to trust.  The heartbreak is passing.  I trust you, Lord.  I thank you for every minute I have with my kids.  I love every minute I have with Shawn.  I am glad for the many many many many joys you bring and keep bringing.  You surround us with your love and you blanket us in your peace.  You have Angels around each of us.  You have put friends and good people around us and to take care of us and to help us.  I will keep counting these many blessings and I know you're not done with any of us yet.  You have a plan and we are in it.  I thank you for your peace and your love and your hope.  Amen.

Fell hard, ouch!

Not long after posting the 'nervous energy' post I got up from the couch to go to the kitchen.  My toes felt numb, as they have almost constantly since we returned from Florida, and my left foot was being strange... it seemed to be flapping on the floor.  I had taken about 4 or 5 steps when I looked down and saw my foot twist upside-down on the floor.  I started yelling, "Help!  Help! Help! Help!" as I quickly crumpled to the ground.  I landed sort of on all floors.  Thank you, Lord, that I didn't hit my head at all (the blood thinners could cause bleeding on the brain if I am ever to hit my head, it is something I have been strongly warned about).  Shawn came barreling down the stairs to the floor beside me.  I was still yelling, "Help! Help! Help! Help!  I fell.  I fell.  I fell.  Help!"  I was just so in shock.  And I jammed my right arm, with the stupid shoulder that has been hurting me more and more over the past weeks.  After a few minutes I asked Shawn to help me sit up.  We sat on the floor for a few minutes, I wiggles my toes.  I think my foot had fallen asleep when I was sitting on the couch, but I didn't realize it because my toes are always a little numb.  And then the tears came.  I was just so scared.  In the seconds between awareness that my foot was wrong and then being on the floor I had these flash-aheads of chemo, cancer, my body giving out, losing use of this body.  It was so scary.  I was so scared.  Even typing this I can feel those feelings that I had and it was horrible.  I was just so scared.  We sat on the floor for a fair while, me crying, Shawn hugging me and loving me.  I want to see people and do things and get things done ... and yet I feel like my body and mind want me and need me to just sit on the couch with my kids.  I just want to sit on the couch with Shawn but every minute is full.  People want to see me, and I am flattered because I feel the love and I know that they are concerned, but it is just taking so much energy to do anything.  Before I got off the couch I had been reading the new patient pamphlet from the Vancouver Agency.   I had read an article about a man with bladder cancer who has been fighting it for five years and how hard that has been on his family.  All of those things just sit so heavy on my heart.  This is why I don't want to know details.  Why I can't afford to hear stats or stories even.  It's hard.  So hard.  So heavy.  So ... leaves me feeling like a deer in the headlights.   Today my foot has a swollen spot and the entire foot is so sore.  My shoulder is calmed down quite a bit, I don't think I damaged it.  I just was so scared.  So much scared in such a short burst of time.  It's mind-blowing.   I feel like the days are so full and yet I wish there were more hours in each day.  Chemo again.  [deep exhale]  It's a lot to grasp.

Nerves and nervous energy

Feeling antsy today.  Super antsy.   I called my oncologist's office Friday and was told that I should hear from Vancouver on Tuesday or Wednesday.  I braved it and actually went onto the Vancouver Agency website and read through the new patient handbook (I'm always afraid of being told more info than I want to know... more info means more fears to push away and that's exhausting).  The handbook says it could be weeks between appointment and treatment starting.  I don't know how I feel about that.  But I have nervous energy today.  And I feel exhausted, emotionally.  I think maybe I'm feeling sort of 'adrift'.  ???  Probably that's what it is.  And there's this push to get things done, organized, the house in order before chemo again, the concern that "chemo is harder the second time" and what the heck that could mean, and then telling myself, "hey, it doesn't HAVE to be harder!" and spending time just chilling and resting my body and trying to remember to eat (I have appetite but I just feel... unable to feed myself, make a decision, know what to do), and the thinking and not-thinking.  I'm just floating through this, not fretting, but it's very hard to be mellow AND to accomplish things both.  I can be mellow (which feels so lazy) or I can accomplish stuff (which hurts my body or freaks me out or makes me think which is a whole dangerous landslide of emotions to scramble to tuck back into a manageable place)...  but I'm not worried.  I feel peaceful.  I just can't figure out how to be peaceful AND to get things done in a way that makes me feel that things are actually tidying up around here.... and our four kids' birthdays are November and December and it's soon Christmas and those are things I love and this is my favourite season and .... so I just hold on to peace and I just 'be'.  I don't know else how to better do this.  [shrug]

Had a great day yesterday kicking off my sisters' 40th birthdays weeks (not there birthdays quite yet) with some cousins... such a great day.  Loved our time together.   Watching cooking shows, surfing the net, working on a paperwork project, just keeping my mind busy in a nothing-that-requires-too-much-awareness-or-thinking sort of way.

Thanks for listening.
Mwah.

Terry Fox Run

Connor (6yrs): "Mommy, today was the Terry Fox Run and I runned for two people.  Two people I know that has cancer."
Mommy:  "Oh, ya?"  [sinking feeling in pit of stomach]
Connor:  "I runned for two people.  For Terry Fox and for YOU!"
Mommy:  [punch to the gut][be brave][don't cry][he's so proud] "Oh wow.  I wish you didn't have to run for me but thank you, sweetheart." [big smile and a hug to my boy]

True

I agree. 

And even bad chapters aren't 100% bad... there is still good writing, suspense, intrigue, interesting characters, poetic moments, writing-so-bad-it's-comical-and-laughter-is-good-so-that-redeems-the-whole-thing, the feel of the paper in your hand, the way that book makes you feel, associations you make with the people and places and moments in that chapter and how they connect to your own life...

Plus, my hope is in the Lord, and He is the author of the whole thing, so that's pretty awesome!

Raw

I am either raw with emotion or fully at peace either or

a full swing of the pendulum

I am continually in awe at how God answers my cries for help so fully and completely

moments ago I was raw overwhelmed 

panicked at the thought of all there needs done around the house to prepare for chemo

I cried out to God, "help me, please meet me in my need" not even knowing what to ask just so raw in my emotion

 

I sit here just moments later in full mellowed contentment

peace

He loves me so much

CT scan: results

I had my oncologist appointment today, we moved it due to a scheduling conflict for Shawn.  Shawn, Mom and I were together at the appointment to hear that the CT scan shows the cancer has grown again.  I will be starting chemo again in a few weeks.  I will begin this next round of chemo as part of a clinical trial through Vancouver Cancer Agency and all my treatment and appointments will be through Vancouver from now on.  (An hour drive away.)

We told the kids tonight, they were devastated.  The cries quickly turned to worries about me dying and all I could feel was hollow as I searched for words and we talked about heaven and I assured our six years old that I would, indeed, find him when he was an old, old grandpa and he died and in the next instant would be in heaven.  And I prayed for them and over them.  And we thanked God for this amazing family of six we are, and for our grandmas and grandpas and aunties and uncles and cousins and friends who love us dearly.  And we asked for peace and thanked God for His peace and His love. Eventually we were distracted by dinner and bedtime routine.  The little boys seemed fairly okay.  Our daughter seems sad. Our eldest went to youth group at church.

Hard news.  Scary to think that this actually could kill me.  Hope and peace and love are here.  We believe for miracles and we pray for peace and for healing.  I pray that Shawn will be okay and that our kids will keep soft their hearts to God.  

I told the kids, "I am the same mommy today as I was yesterday."  I assured them I am not dying today or the next day. I can't promise anything more, that is hard for this momma, to not be able to calm their fears.  We sat together, the six of us, in our living room, cuddled on the couches, feeling the emotions, soaking in the love.  

What more can we do, really?  It is what it is.  Please, continue to pray for us.

God helps

So in the middle of all of my own emotions and frettings and laying down worries there is a family's worth of kids here having their own after school moments.  Miranda is thrilled with the results of her beaded bracelet that she's just finished.  Kyle is tuning out the noise and reading a book in the living room.  Braden is wandering around having finished building his new Lego set.  Connor is having a sorrowful meltdown because his new Lego set guy thingie won't hold the Ninja sword.  And so me, rather than running away emotionally and losing myself in the tv, I am pulled out of my emotions and into mothering.  An excellent distraction and a worthy use of my time.  Any of his siblings was perfectly capable of helping Connor but God lined everyone else up with a project and Connor needed me.  Thank you, Lord, for using my kids to pull me back to this present moment.  You are good.

And now I am altering the sword to better fit the robot guy's hand.  This has me chuckling for some reason. Ah, God is so good!

Appointment change

My oncology appointment has been moved to tomorrow.  Oh how a day with my boys (pro-d day, no school for them) went from smiles and just enjoying time together to this tightness welled up in my chest and me working to focus on the kids.  [exhale][coughing from the exhale]

Praying.  For peace and healing and good news and strength for us. Thank you Jesus.  Amen.

No news

My oncologist miscommunicated when she told me to see her today following my CT scan.  

We showed up, she had left for the day. Her secretary was able to reach her and find us clarification.  I have shed a few tears, felt some anger, feel disappointed in her because of the emotional energy today drained me (us) of, and now am back to feeling thankful that for one more week I am cancer-free.  Because until some test tells me I have cancer growing, I am believing I am cured.  

No news is good news.  

My new appointment is September 26.  We will hear CT results then.

[deep exhale]

Off to spend time with my hubby and kids.  Thank you, Lord, for this time together. Amen.

Rachel Wojo: How to leave your burdens at the feet of Jesus. [article]

Rachel Wojnarowski is a Christian woman whose website I like to check frequently.  As I sit here waiting for the clock to tick down to my CT scan appointment I thought this article was very timely.  This cancer experience has been all about laying it down, again and again and again and again... the fears, panic, worry, overwhelm-ed-ness and just laying it at the feet of Jesus.  I really like how she explains what "laying it down" means.

Today, this entire week actually, I feel very calm.  I have feelings and emotions, but they are mellowed, calmed, at peace with me, not trying to overtake me or choke me out of functioning through my days.  I know that it is God who is giving me this peace.  I am truly hopeful that the CT results will be good news, but I am also realistic that they may not be.  I really hope they are good news results.  I guess I'm feeling neutral about the subject.  When I think about the scan, the needle, the nice nurse with the curly hair or else the nice nurse with the black hair  (I almost always get the same two Nurses and both do a really good job at getting a vein lickety-split!), the waiting, the walk down the long hallway to the Cancer Agency and my oncology appointment ...that's when I get a little icky in my tummy... but then I just shimmy my shoulders back into the comfy-cozy warmth of God's peace and I just 'be'.  [smile]   Thank you for praying us through this day.

And... I'm hungry.  Fasting since 8am and my tummy is grumbly today.  LOL  Go...eat a cookie for me... or a sandwich!  [wink]
_________________________________________________________
[Taken from http://rachelwojo.com/how-to-leave-your-burdens-at-the-feet-of-jesus/ ]

 Occasionally I’m asked a question by a reader that really makes me think. One that makes me immediately say to myself: Goodness, I don’t know the answer to that question. But the cool thing is that while I truthfully don’t know the answer, I do know where to find the answers to life’s questions. So I turn to God’s Word and read and study- praying for the Lord to show me the answer.
The question I’m answering today doesn’t have an easy, pat answer that you throw out there to pacify someone. The depth from which a question is asked must also be the depth from which a question is answered. Here’s our question for today:

Thanks for the post. The reminder to leave my burden at Jesus’ feet is one that I’m really working on right now. Sometimes, though, I really am not sure how I’m supposed to do that. What does it look like, practically speaking, to leave my burdens at His feet? Do you have a specific example of a time in your life when you did this?

The question is tough because we are taking sometimes intangible items (our burdens) and placing them in an invisible, though real place (Jesus’ feet.)
What is the answer as to how to leave your burdens at the feet of Jesus?
In I Samuel 1&2, we find the story of Hannah, a woman whose greatest desire was to have a child. We can imagine the anguish this desire caused Hannah to have. In my book, The Sensational Scent of Prayer, the two prayers of Hannah are examined and described. The first prayer of Hannah simply requests that God give her a son. Without explaining all the detail contained in the book, let’s look at Hannah’s own description of her prayer:

but have poured out my soul before the LORD. I Sam. 1:15

Think for a moment of a pitcher filled with water.
This pitcher represents our life and the water represents our burdens. Wow- that pitcher sure is heavy when filled with all the burdens!
So we go to time with God and pour some water out of the pitcher. We talk to God about our burdens and we attempt to listen to what He is telling us.
But the pitcher is so heavy, we tire of holding it. And while much of the water (our burdens) remains contained in the pitcher, we walk away from our time with God, carrying the burdens with us.
A little while later, maybe hours, maybe days, we return to the Lord in conversation with our pitcher of burdens still in tow. And that pitcher seems even heavier than before because of the weight.
But instead of relinquishing it all to God, we carry our pitcher back out of our time spent with Him. Lugging the weight of burdens like we enjoy it- though we claim it to be our worst enemy.
Hannah gives us a wonderful description of what she did with her burden. She poured out her soul before the Lord.  She wasn’t about to walk away until she told God everything on her heart regarding the matter. She wasn’t about to leave that place until she had spent every ounce of her energy, strength and dignity explaining her need to God.
Hannah took her water pitcher of burdens and poured it out. Every last drop. She held nothing back and stood before God, holding her water pitcher upside down, with tears falling from her cheeks, as she dumped it all at Jesus’ feet.
Hannah’s pitcher was bone dry.
From a practical standpoint, I think laying our burdens at Jesus’ feet and leaving them there means we empty ourselves out completely. We pour out our souls before the Lord, sharing every feeling we have on the topic- whatever it is. We stand dripping before God, no matter what others may think of us. (The priest thought Hannah was drunk in her pouring out state.)
To answer the last part of our reader’s question, yes, I do have an example of a time when I poured out my soul to God. I’m running out of space and time to answer this portion of the question in this post, but when you’ve gone through divorce, lost your mama to cancer and find out your daughter has a terminal disease, then at that point, you have nothing left but to pour out yourself before the Lord.
Every drop.
I guess the part Hannah’s story doesn’t help us with is that no one talks about the automatic refills.
After we have poured out every drop to God, what happens when another burden fills the pitcher?
We pour out again. And again. And again.
Because His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.
Or you.
Or anyone who comes to Him, ready to pour themselves out completely and allow Him to fill the empty spaces in totality.
_____________

Thank you

Thank you to those of you praying for me.  I have this mind-boggling calm that can only be God.  I can't even freak myself out (though I'm not trying too hard to do so... wink).  I have peace... thick, warm, palpable, like the warm air above the hot tub even though the outside temperature is so cold.  God is listening and hearing and answering your prayers. I am calm.   I am also not nearly as tired-feeling as I had been.  I just realized it today... I am not waking up exhausted this week... even though I have been staying up a little late.  This can only be God answering the prayers of His people.  Thank you for remembering us and holding us in your prayers.  Sincerely, thank you.

Port Flush

I cannot believe it has been 4 weeks since we returned home from Disneyworld!  Four weeks already!  Wowza!  I know it's been four weeks because every four weeks I go to get my port flushed (hooked up to the needle and tubing, blood drawn out, saline pushed through and some other anti-clog stuff through the plastic thing under my skin) to keep it working and 'active'.  I pray fervently that I won't need that port ever again, but at this point in time we have decided to keep it in to avoid another procedure and just enjoy the break from medical stuff.  Remember when I'd have to do jumps or be hanging head-down at chemo to get that little sucker to work?  I am happy to report that, once again, the port worked exactly as it should and the flush was a quick and easy procedure.  Thank you, Lord.

I would also like to say, one again, that the nurses at ARH are just so incredibly lovely.  They don't want to see us there, they don't want to see people in pain or in fear, they just have a heart to help... and the kindness and gentleness that I have experienced at almost every turn has just been such a blessing.  Lord, please bless the staff at ARH, from janitor to food services to nurse to surgeon to administration and everyone in between.  Lord, give wisdom and calm, give excellence and peace, let them each feel appreciated for the work they are doing as they serve the sick and injured and hurt and healing of our city and province.  Thank you for this lovely new hospital and thank you for the good experiences I have had there.  Amen.

Morning Walk

Got my morning walk in just before the raindrops started to fall.  Such a nice start to the day, just enough to get the heart pumping without tiring me out.  Sometimes I just clear my mind and really look at my surroundings, most of the time I'm talking to God.  I walk the boys to the bus and then take a stroll.  A good routine.  

Wearing a hug (my scarf) from cousin Rena today.  :-)   See my little hairs at the top, kind of like a little brush cut!  They are so cute! LOL. The sides are a little longer but lay back like they were combed that way... it is interesting to watch it grow in. 

To Grandma's home we go!

Kori and I made an impromptu visit to Grandma's home today.  When we got there she was having a little after-lunch snooze but her eyes popped open and she got herself up and shoes on for our visit.  We talked about her roommate, the kids, the meals, the weather, the usual.  As always, I was so glad that I had gone to see her.  Our family has been blessed with close connections, good relationship, lots of family events and faspa (4pm light dinner) and huge gatherings my entire life.  So so so blessed by the work this family has done to stay connected!  I love you my Grandma!

 

Always one more kiss for the road!  I started this when my babies were little and Grandma was living at Carriage Lane.  The kids and I would say our good-byes and give our kisses, then I'd get them all strapped into their carseats and run back across the sidewalk to where Grandma would stand watching from her sliding door in the kitchen.  She would break into a smile as I jogged over and would say, "One last kiss... for the road..." and give her a kiss on her super-soft cheek.  Always.  And then one more kiss and I would run back to the van and wave and drive away.   I love this woman.  She is a prayer warrior, she has a heart for God that is solid and fixed and knows that she knows that she knows that God is faithful.  I am so thankful for Grandma M.  Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with this strong woman of good character.

We are changed.

We are changed.  I have noticed it for the past few months, over the summer as we spent time together without the busy of the regular schedule.  More noticeable with all six of us sharing space more, home together more.  We are changed.  The way the kids look at me, handle me, treat me, it is different.  They are kids who saw their mommy so incredibly sick, lifted cups of water to her lips when she could not, watched her sitting in the corner chair weeping silently in her weakened physical and emotional state, do still hear the murmurs of the people around them, feel the weight of the fear that 'cancer' can be.  This morning I am mourning this change.  My heart is heavy, broken.  Weighted down in this understanding.

Update

Though my blood work is good, the chest x-ray has come back "concerning".  My CT scan has been moved up two months to September 20th.  We will meet with the oncologist immediately following.  Please be praying that the cancer has not started growing again, pray that it is shrinking and gone.   We believe for miracles and we are asking God for clean scans for me.  Please, Lord, cover us with your peace.

Eavesdropping on my life

Sitting on the back deck while child #4 scooters around.  From inside the house comes the sound of two eldest kids kibitzing around (fooling around) and singing at each other and being silly. I should make them set the table.  Dinner is ready in the crockpot, smells yummy.  Waiting for Shawn to get home from work.  Silliness and play fighting playing "keep away" with M's iPod.  B is in on it now.  Sounds like the "fun until someone loses an eye" moment.  Giggling, kids out of breath from scrambling and wrestling.  "Nun-chuck psychopath!" says one kid to to the other.  Random.

Me, grateful to be strong and here.  Present, in this moment.  The urge to just squeeze and hug those kids is almost strangling me.  It would be overbearing to them... They love the love, but my fear is not the same as loving on them and so I hang back, eavesdropping on their lives and conversations, allowing the peace of our Lord and Saviour to permeate the moment, rest softly upon me, and I smile.  So glad to witness the living going on around here. I have had a very good day.  The kids are all so happy with their schools and teachers.  It has been a good "back to school" for us, we are tired and adjusting, but it is good and we have happiness.  I am digging my toes deep into the feels-good of it all.  Like sand on the beach, warm and cool and comfy and scritchy and just good in and of itself. 

Kid #3 is now dancing for me and singing, too... I love these kids. So grateful for these "everyday normal" moments.

Happy Dancing!!!

My blood work is all good!  My oncologist seemed pleased and even offered to remove my port! I chose to keep it in for now as removal is yet another procedure.

She won't get the report from my chest X-ray for a week yet.  I have a regular ct scan scheduled in two months.

I feel like I just won the lottery...two more months of normal!!!!

Ah.  Thank you, Lord!!!

Follow up appointment today

On our way to the Cancer Agency.  Please pray for peace for us, for our family, over this whole thing.  The kids don't know about this appointment.  I was okay til we started driving, tears are flowing.  I ... Am feeling a lot of things.

Last day of summer holiday

In the two weeks since we have been home from Florida I have had coffee dates with a few friends, I've taken kids to Vancouver appointments, I've chauffeured my tween-age daughter and her friend to the mall, and hung out at the  Food Court with my teen son, we have been to Stanley Park for a picnic, and to a White Caps game and to Chinatown and watched movies at home, been to the theatre, and sorted and stored thousands of photos, and have been for high tea.  Wowza!  Life is good and we are so blessed to have made an epic novel's worth of memories in the last two little summer holiday months!  Thank you for those of you praying health and stamina for me!

I am pretty tired all the time but thankful that I can push through. The tired is more of a 'worn down' physically rather than a normal 'tired from doing too much'.  I am sleeping well each night but waking up still tired.  My right shoulder has been giving me a too-frequent-for-my-liking dull burning pain down into my bicep and I am going to set myself up a massage appointment to see if I can get some relief.  

This Wednesday is my follow-up appointment, including bloodwork and a chest x-ray to make sure cancer isn't growing back. Every time I cough I fight a nanosecond of panic.  I would appreciate prayers for no cancer and for peace.  I really really really would love to have a good and solid and cancer-free (as much as my oncologist says I won't ever be "cancer-free"... What do we know of God's plans!!!") school year for, and with, our kids. That is my heart-prayer.  

Sometimes it feels arrogant to put my orders in and not just see how God's plans pan out, but the Bible tells is to ask, so I am asking.

Well, we are off to the ocean today so I should get the cooler packed!  

Happy Day to you!!!!  

Kristin