Exhaustion

This was in my face book feed this morning. Exactly what I needed as a reminder after last night.  The last 48 hours have been too much.  I feel myself shutting down emotionally.  The boxes are everywhere, in every room.  The tree didn't get set up, my only goal for yesterday. I bought hot chocolate and marshmallows and a gingerbread houses kit.  We were going to claim joy and holiday cheer and good things.  Even with the restoration people in and out all day.  And we didn't.  Shawn took the kids for dinner, I just felt ick.  Theres bo food here and we just haven't fit shopping in... We have for three things at a time but honestly the house is so full of basement stuff in the main floor that neither if us want to bring anything else in. We are exhausted.  Finally fell asleep at 5:30 for an hour.  Woke up feeling fever-ish.  Got upstairs to my bed, started choking.  Called mom.  It was a longer choking fit that usual.  Scared me.  She came and stayed until Shawn got home. Bedtime ran late.  "I give up" came out of my mouth.  I just felt done.  I just felt like I was being swept along on this lazy, muddy, murky river that kept bumping me against the boulders and snags of stomach cramps, nausea, headache, can't eat, can't drink, tired, overwhelmed.  The house is a gong show. Every room. Fell asleep and slept through til 5:30 without choking.  Feeling better all around compared to yesterday. Ate some bites of breakfast.  Hope to not get more cramps from the few bites I ate.    Vancouver today and then VCC chemo tomorrow.  Last time hit me hard for seven days.  I'm nervous. How will we handle this?  Shawn and I are barely hanging on.  Seems dramatic given I wasn't chemo-sick this week... But when I am so mentally spent, everything is harder.

Not whining.  Just recording.