Today

Feeling overwhelmed with things.  Not everything but many things.  Not so good at making choices.  Just wrote a long rambling post but it was too confused and bummer-ish to post.  Trying to fit back into my life but with balancing the reality that I'm not fully recovered yet.  The kids see me off the couch and as back-to-normal, I am not but am pushing to be so for them.  I am so sad of being the source of their somber expressions or tiptoeing around and the sadness in their eyes.  I cry at the drop of a hat, seriously anything happy or sad or good or bad or even nothing at all just gets me crying.  Crying just typing that.  The quote above really spoke to me today.  Trying to figure out what to do with what I have left... what time, what energy, what years, what relationships, what redefined hopes, what can-I-still-have-them dreams for our lives.  Jesus Calling the other day reminded me that there may be a huge mountain looming ahead of me, but I can't see the path that God has created to get me around that mountain.  I need to just focus on the step in front of me and know that God has a plan and I am still in it.  And I want to smile.  And I want to not feel pressured to make 'every' moment count, that is too much pressure.  Trying to figure out balance and wanting to look forward with hope.  Need to be patient with myself, it was an eight month hill that we just climbed, and we need to physically and mentally and emotionally take the time needed to catch our breath!