The Talk.

Had the talk with the kids tonight at dinner.  Mommy will be doing chemo again, how can we work together better, differently, with a common goal, with good attitudes and helping and respecting the adults that come into our home to help these next months.   We had lots of good discussion, we six agreed on a course of action.  Last time was a lot of video games and tv watching and kids-looking-lost and mommy and daddy also looking lost.  This time we have the wisdom of experience.  We want to move forward in organization and with a plan.  We know to be flexible in our expectations, we know that some days will be super hard and some days some of us may just want to curl into the couch and cry and some days we may just want to run and jump and play... and we know that the house still needs to be managed and the dishwasher emptied and laundry done.  Cancer doesn't care about housework, but this patient finds it is embarrassing to have helpers in the house and the house an increasing messy gong show as the chemo weeks progress.  I just feel like we lost so much ground last chemo-year, that we were just gaining some back, and that now we are going into it again feeling even more behind because we know what we are getting into.  I will not panic.  I will not panic.  I will not panic.

The kids seemed less panicked about the word "chemo" tonight, that was good.  I think the shock and sorrow of cancer growing again has settled a little and we will just keep on being our family-of-six and doing the days as we do... one moment at a time.  That's really true for any of us, and it's good to remind myself that even with cancer we are still just a normal family figuring things out as we go.  

As I've always said, this is a working ranch and we do a lot of busy-active-living here... but ranch or no, we gotta keep those dust bunnies and laundry-eating hampers under control the best we can!