- Peace for Shawn and I, for Kyle and Miranda and Braden and Connor, for our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews and inner circle friends watching and hurting as we go through this
- that God would keep soft our children's hearts toward Him through all the emotions of this hard journey
- strength and stamina; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- that the cancer shrinks to gone, gone, gone!
- gentle side effects to this second round of chemo
- family unity, harmony, love, strength, joy, happiness
- anything else you feel God puts on your heart

Monday, November 19, 2012

[so small]

Feeling small.  Tiny.  Little girl, my little girl hand clutching the hand of my Father in Heaven.  Clinging to the peace He so freely gives.  Scared.  Tears barely able to flow, emotions too big.  I am scared.  Not afraid, that is different.  I believe that God is in control.  I know that God loves me even a zillion times more and bigger and far beyond the crazy-high love I have for my own children.  But I am scared.  I am feeling silly in my scaredy-ness.  Crying stops.  God is bigger.  I can rest in Him.  I do rest in Him.  So grateful to be resting in Him.  Thank you Lord, for what you are doing in me, through me, through this.  The cancer sucks.  I wish I didn't have cancer.  I believe that I will not have cancer.  You will heal me Lord, through a miracle and through medicine and through the miracle of the surgery that will take that cancer right out of me when they remove my kidney.  I don't need that kidney, You have provided.  You have provided a good, strong other kidney.  I am grateful.  Feeling peace.  Get behind me Satan, you shall not prevail.  I am me.  Strong in the Lord.  Sure of whose I am.  I am a child of the King.  The God of the universe, the Creator of all things. ALL things.  Wow.  His eye is on the sparrow... I sing because I'm happy.  I sing because I'm free.  His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.  I know God's heart is heavy for me, for my worry.  He doesn't judge me for my fears, He loves me, holds me through them.  Just like Shawn sitting beside me on the couch, his head on my shoulder, just being there.  God is here.  I am so grateful.  Father God, be with my husband, be with my parents, be with my sisters, my in-laws, extended family.  Be with my children God.  Our children.  Your children.  You love K and M and B and C far more than I can even comprehend.  That is enough.  Hold these dear ones, Father.  You are.  I know it.  Thank you.
I am scared, but I am capable because You are here.  I thank you.
4:43am, Monday.  Surgery in two days.  God is bigger than this.  So grateful to rest in His peace.

This reminder was in my inbox this morning...thank you, dear friend, God used you and you let Him.  Thank you.


  1. As I was praying for you last night and others who are in overwhelming situations right now, needing a big miracle, God reminded me that although the situation seems catastrophic from our point of view, from His point of view it's the easiest thing in the world to take care of. It's like we are UNDER the dark clouds, but He's ABOVE them where the sun is shining brightly. Keep holding on Kristin. You'll see the sun shining again soon. ((hugs))

  2. You are in my prayers first thing in the morning, and when I go to bed and many times in between.

    God offers peace like a river, not peace like a pond. May you feel that constant peace flowing over you today!!
    Love you!

    Songwriters: Ben Glover, Josh Wilson

    Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?
    If there's a God who loves you where is He now?
    Or maybe there are things you can't see
    And all those things are happening to bring a better ending
    Someday, somehow you'll see, you'll see

    Would you dare, would you dare to believe
    That you still have a reason to sing?
    'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
    It can't compare to the joy that's coming

    So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
    Press on and just fight the good fight
    'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
    It's just the dark before the morning

    My friend, you know how this all ends
    And you know where you're going
    You just don't know how you'll get there so say a prayer

    And hold on 'cause there's good for those who love God
    But life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time
    But you'll see the bigger picture

    Would you dare, would you dare to believe
    That you still have a reason to sing?
    'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
    It can't compare to the joy that's coming

  4. As I was praying for you today, the thought came to me (might be a God-thought, that's for you to discern) that it's only your body that has symptoms of cancer. Your soul doesn't, your spirit doesn't, just one third of you. Yet that one third is the temple of the Most High!

    Gerry H

  5. Continuing to pray for you and your family...God is such a big God and I know HE will bring you through this with HIS love, peace and comfort...You are not alone and even while in surgery God is in you through HIS Spirit and will fill the operating room with HIS presence...Thanking GOD in advance for total and complete healing of your body...praying a swift recovery and a healthy new beginning....

  6. Tears well are stronger than you know lady. I just wanted you to know, that I will continue praying.

  7. Everyone has such wonderful words for you Kristin, I feel blessed reading them. I may not always know what to write when I comment, but know that you are on my heart at all times.

    1. I echo Kim's comment. On my mind and heart always.


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