- Peace for Shawn and I, for Kyle and Miranda and Braden and Connor, for our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews and inner circle friends watching and hurting as we go through this
- that God would keep soft our children's hearts toward Him through all the emotions of this hard journey
- strength and stamina; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- that the cancer shrinks to gone, gone, gone!
- gentle side effects to this second round of chemo
- family unity, harmony, love, strength, joy, happiness
- anything else you feel God puts on your heart

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Surgery fear: release

Just had a thought.

Last night I was sitting on the little couch, under the Christmas-light-bedecked back window, talking on the phone with my Sis. [fast fact: I have two sisters, they are twins. I'm the "not the twin". [tee hee] They are identical and even come to events having dressed the same without knowing it...that cracks me up!]

Anyway, was talking to K (yes, our names all start with K) and feeling a bit on-the-verge-of-a-fair-bit-freaking-out about the looming surgery. I've never had major surgery. I've never had to do the whole "wash your hair, don't use product, shower with the special soap but don't let it touch your face, then shower again and don't use any lotion or deoderant" rules thing. And frankly, it's freaky-serious... and I'm a rule follower... and what if I miss a step... and then does my surgery get cancelled? ...or worse... since I don't know I missed a step and then they don't know cuz I can't tell them because I just plain don't know do they do the surgery and then I get some hugely bad side effect from the extra germ that was on me that we didn't all know about?!?!?!? GAH!!!! See... shouldn't think too much.

So, clearly, as the day draws nearer, the surgery-related freak-outs seem to be mounting.

BUT... just now, I had an epiphany. As I was scrolling through downloaded favourite quotes I saw this one:

And then I read one of your comments on this blog... and it tweaked something for me... and I remembered what one of my sisters said when I told her I was scared to wake up (from surgery) to sad faces... and she said, "No sad faces. Relief that one step is done! How's that?" And I said, "Deal."

And this morning, right now... well, actually about 10 minutes ago because Baby Boo (son4, 5 years) just crawled out of bed and came and snuggled on my lap and that kid is the most squishy-awesome snuggler, all warm and gooshy with sleep and I can just never ever resist holding that boy tight into me and just breathing all of his loveliness in...

So... just in this last many minutes moment I realized, "Hey, surgery is just one part of this whole thing... and we already STARTED this whole thing... so really... just go with the flow, it's one more appointment not so much pressure that it's "the" appointment!!"  You know?!   And so, in that instant, about 10 or so minutes ago, God sprang His peace on me.  I feel brighter.  Lighter.  I am revelling in it right now.  And now it is settling over me.  And I feel His quiet.  And my body feels rest.  And I am grateful.  Thank you Lord.  For your sweet presence. Be with my friends today.  [breathing it in]

[overcome with joyful tears, thanking God, praying for my husband and our children, praying for my parents and in-laws, my sisters and their husbands, my nieces and nephews, peace, quiet, God's presence thankful grateful heart full up sweet presence of a holy and matchless God savouring the quiet He brings to me]

God is good.  All the time.  I say it because I mean it and I believe it.  And I know that even if it gets really hard to say He knows my heart and He loves me.  That's awesome-good.  All the time.

Love for you.


  1. I keep envisioning a calm warm cozy peaceful surgery experience for you. The prayers that have been blanketing you like a dusting of snow now will be there through this experience too.
    Love you!

  2. Kristin, I discovered your blog thru MGCC. I'm a retired registered nurse living in Ottawa. You are a master of words and I am the entire opposite. I wish I could convey how I feel about your illness and upcoming surgery properly. You are blessed with the caring of family and friends and no doubt strangers like myself whom believe in the power of prayer. I pray that your fear is taken over by a peaceful calm as you head to the OR. You are never alone but in God's embrace. I will be praying for your strength and healing post surgery and for your family.

    Sincerely. Donna

  3. surgery prayer release?! more miracles :)

  4. Praying for you all the time. I have no doubt that the surgery will be an amazing success and that you have nothing to worry about. God's got it all under control. :)

  5. inspire me to be a better person, but more so to trust more in God's plan. You are right everyone's journey is unique. But no matter how big or small our struggles/battles are...God is good...ALL the time...and HE is in control...praying for you and your family....thanks for sharing your journey

    Helen (friend of the other K & K :)


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