- Peace for Shawn and I, for Kyle and Miranda and Braden and Connor, for our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews and inner circle friends watching and hurting as we go through this
- that God would keep soft our children's hearts toward Him through all the emotions of this hard journey
- strength and stamina; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- that the cancer shrinks to gone, gone, gone!
- gentle side effects to this second round of chemo
- family unity, harmony, love, strength, joy, happiness
- anything else you feel God puts on your heart

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Toothache and trying to manage

I feel like I am standing at the edge of a forest, before me is a beach and then a lake.  It's a beach in British Columbia: rocky, twigs and sticks and pokey things.  It's a lake in British Columbia: cold and windswept and choppy.  There is a measure of protection as I stand in the forest, still windy, still dust blowing in the air and grit getting in my mouth.  I know that tomorrow I am going to have to strip off my warm coat and my protecting shoes, walk across that cold, lonely beach and walk in to the water.  I'm trying to remain calm.  I'm trying to figure out how to be okay with this.  I know that I will submit to the stripping down, the walk, the wind and the stabby things.   I know that I will submit to the cold, cold water and the sharp needles of pain as my body goes deeper and deeper into that dark wet.  I hate swimming but I know that I want to swim, I will choose to swim.  The lake is the best chance we have at beating this cancer.  Two more cycles of chemo left, but I have been advised that these will be harder.   Today was a taste of that.

My bloodwork showed that my numbers are low.  My oncologist told us they were low but said she is comfortable proceeding.  My nurse was more wary and wanted to be sure we knew what we were getting into.  The numbers are only one point higher than the "you can't have chemo today" numbers.  I have no idea what we are getting into.   I have no frame of reference.  I really just want to take the moments as they come.  To contemplate anything else is just too too much.   I have a toothache, a wicked-bad toothache.  The pain of that toothache is almost too much to bare.  Each time the four hours of Tylen0l is up I am shaking with pain.  I can't eat, can't drink.  To swallow is to put pressure on the roof of my mouth and that is a zing of pain.  My teeth are already sensitive to everything, a chemo side effect. 

I'm now on penicillin in case there is a tooth infection.  I am on the injection of high dose anti-coagulant.  I am on Tylen0l for tooth pain.  I am taking allergy meds because my allergies hit in full force yesterday and those usually knock me down hard for a few weeks every April-May.  Tomorrow I will start the big meds for chemo.  Oh yes, and the chemo itself.  It's a lot of things.  Nothing compared to some people, but still such an adjustment for me.  And I'm always worried about mixing things at the wrong times and screwing something up or making myself sick or constipated or worse. 

But the port worked.  As Mom and I were leaving chemo to go to an emergency dentist appointment this morning, I remembered that the big to do today was to try the port.  The nurse hooked me up (plugged the needle into the port thingie under my skin) and drew back blood.  Hooray!  No hesitation.  No air bubbles or mystery stuff.  Just lovely blood.  Perfect.  Then she flushed (pushed stuff in) and the yucky taste was in my mouth.  I was astonished.  Mom and I were both sort of confused... we had forgotten how quick and easy the port could be.  Thank you Lord for the successful working of that port!!!

So tonight I sit here on the couch, after having fit in three naps today because I just couldn't keep my eyes open, and wonder what the next week is going to look like.  I'm practicing my breathing and my remaining calm and curious rather than nervous and panicky. 

I really would appreciate your prayers for peace, for my blood count numbers to go back to where they should be, that the chemo side effects will be gentle, that I will have patience, that we will have help at home because I won't be able to do much of anything for the next two weeks.   Please, keep praying.  I know that you are.  You have been so faithful in holding us up before God.  Thank you.

Man my tooth is so sore.  The roof of my mouth, the cheekbone, my ear, into my neck are all so sore.  The dentist decided to just let it be as dental work has its own complications for me at this point in the chemo schedule.  I'm not sure how I'm going to handle two weeks of this level of pain.  It's overwhelming.  Help.


  1. Wishing I could take the pain away for you. How about I do the next best thing and pray? ((hugs))

  2. It's been a super tough day. Praying for you lots. Tears too. Wish there was something I could do to help alibi ate the pain.
    Praying peace, relief for the pain and an unexpected feeling good two weeks!
    Love & hugs,

  3. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily, Kristen. I pray that tonight you will have relief from your physical pain and peace in your heart and mind... You are God's precious child, and He is with you even at your darkest hour! So much love to you and your family...

    Jenni Riou

  4. Praying for you, Kristen!

  5. Praying for you Kristin!

  6. That sounds like a tough, tough situation. I sympathize with the pain you're going through. But I trust that you are a strong woman and that somewhere inside you, you'll find the strength to go on, and that your doctors will be able to do their best to help you. My thoughts are with you.

    Clinton Zelman @

  7. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.


Connecting through comments: