- Peace for Shawn and I, for Kyle and Miranda and Braden and Connor, for our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews and inner circle friends watching and hurting as we go through this
- that God would keep soft our children's hearts toward Him through all the emotions of this hard journey
- strength and stamina; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- that the cancer shrinks to gone, gone, gone!
- gentle side effects to this second round of chemo
- family unity, harmony, love, strength, joy, happiness
- anything else you feel God puts on your heart

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Teasing CrapMeister of Suckiness

To clarify, by "up-swing" what I meant was Teasing CrapMeister of Suckiness.

Up-swing, to you, means "hooray, she's feeling better, maybe today will be great!"

To me what it means is "my mind has finally cleared of the chemo fog and is now whirring with the list of two bjillion things I haven't been able to get to in the last 2.5 weeks... now if only I could manage to get this body out of bed or off the couch... I want to do those things... those things are causing me stress and anxiety and panic attacks... the boxes, oh, the boxes stacked everywhere, the gifts to wrap, the birthday parties to plan... crap!  his birthday is in 7 days and the next one is 7 days later and I haven't even started planning that... seriously, just go get the phone... just phone the place, make the reservation... you can do that... go... seriously... just go... ugh... too tired... need to shower... that'll take the morning to recover from... okay... shower now, phone the place later... why can't this body work... oh ya... oncologist so bluntly stated "you are putting poison into your body, it takes time... you aren't sucking at chemo, it takes 7-10 days to rest... you need to rest... and when you feel better... still rest" ... oh ya... up-swing.  hoorah."

I did manage to drag my dad out for lunch with Kori and Roger and I, I was starving finally... and then ate a few bites and the nausea set in for the day... yuck.  Gagging sucks.

Today is a new up-swing...  I have been gifted a wig so am going for a wig fitting... mixed emotions about that... grateful for the hair because I do NOT want to be bald in Christmas family photos... but hate what the 'need a wig' stands for: cancer fighting... still... [sigh]   Mom and Keri are coming for support, I'm glad. 

Going to try and walk the boys to the bus this morning, my right hip keeps threatening to give out and my feet are a little numb (chemo side effect, not good as numb feet can't balance and can't walk, numb hands can't do buttons or hold a fork, it's a serious side effect that they watch closely).

I woke up.  I am grateful. If I could get the boys' birthdays organized I would be super happy... they got robbed last year when I was in hospital for surgery, this year... again with the freakin' cancer.  GRRRRRR. 

Don't feel nauseas... going to try and eat some Krispies.


  1. Oooohh...I can't wait to see you with your wig. What a special gift! I'll be praying that your energy and strength is restored so that you can get to your to-do list. ((hugs))

  2. Keep on keeping on you beautiful girl !


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