Cycle 6: Week 2, Day 1

I woke up with a song of praise on my lips.  Just feeling content, calm, neutral, nothing, okay.  As the morning has progressed and as my little ones stumbled their warm-from-bed-snuggly selves down for their morning kisses and cuddles and hugs, the tears have jumped to my eyes: "we almost made it".  Our eldest son has been counting days to this and he seems lighter today, lifted up, so very expectant of what God has done and so very glad to have weathered the last six cycles.  What a lot of ... everything has been heaped on the children.  On all of us.  God is bigger.  My prayer has been that God would guard their hearts, these precious children-hearts, and we see that He has.  That has been my heart-cry and God has been so very faithful to guard these children: He loves them even more than we do.  Amazing.  Grateful.  [happy exhaule]   We still need to get through this week, and whatever that looks like, but we are almost "there".  I still don't know what exactly I am feeling, so very many things that I don't want to actually speak about it or share about it or talk about it or think about it too closely... but I do feel hope perculating, burble-ing up, breaking forth as a smile on my face even as the tears of wonder and wow and nerves and everything else randomly stream down my cheeks and neck and across the port that tried to help and kill me.  I am feeling very present in this moment.  I am not, in this minute anyway, looking forward or borrowing worries or thinking.  I am just here, now, and letting the emotions and the moment wash up and out and over me.  I know that there are many people praying me through this day, I thank you.  I know that many of you are praying my husband and our family through this, and my parents and my sisters and in-laws are covered in your prayers and I thank you.  God gives peace and He brings hope and joy and I am grateful.