Lost.
I'm floating on a sea with no current, no wind. Just floating. Not too ill, not too tired, chemo rolling through. But chemo is done, behind me for now. So am a cured? Healthy? Survivor? Remission? Nope. None of those. This is the waiting. And my brain keeps wanting to race forward, drag my shakey-legs and no-energy self to get stuff done. Move forward. What's next. Don't know. God keeps saying "Rest. Just rest." So I'm trying. Working on the discipline of rest. Rest is an action. You have to do it. Like anything else, it takes practice. I'm ready to get off the couch, in my mind. Body isn't there yet. I feel lost.
Today the little boys are going to grandma's. The other four of us are going to find something to do around the house and then maybe something out of the house for fun. We need some fun around here. Probably that plan will turn into 'wasting the day away because I have no energy to follow-thru' which quickly turns to tears. It's how chemo weekends go.
The goal for today is to drink (nothing appeals) and to eat protein (gets the body recouperating), rest. Seems do-able. [weak smile]
Today's message in Jesus Calling seems very fitting.
ReplyDelete"Together we can handle whatever this day brings".
Isaiah 41:10 (VOICE)
'So don’t be afraid. I am here, with you;
don’t be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, help you.
I am here with My right hand to make right
and to hold you up.'
I am praying that you find rest when you need it today! I know you will balance the laughter with the tears. The rest with the fun. It's what you do best. Hang in there on this chemo weekend. Let me know if I can bring you something to satisfy a craving! Love you!