- Peace for Shawn and I, for Kyle and Miranda and Braden and Connor, for our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews and inner circle friends watching and hurting as we go through this
- that God would keep soft our children's hearts toward Him through all the emotions of this hard journey
- strength and stamina; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
- that the cancer shrinks to gone, gone, gone!
- gentle side effects to this second round of chemo
- family unity, harmony, love, strength, joy, happiness
- anything else you feel God puts on your heart

Friday, December 21, 2012

Brain won't rest

Didn't sleep well last night. Neither did Shawn. I was in discomfort at my sharkbite and back and coughing a lot. Exhausted today.

My port insertion will be January 4th.

Every time I close my eyes I see a scalpel cutting into me. Cutting my skin open to shove a thing under my skin so the chemo nurse can poke through it for the medicine that will hopefully evaporate my cancer.

I can't close my eyes. I get so scared of that scalpel.

My academic brain knows that my emotional brain is just overwhelmed. But I am scared to close my eyes.

Best not to be alone to think too much today. So much info from the chemo teach and I am too not-rested to let my mind wander through and process.

Shawn took the kids to their school Santa Breakfast, we didn't think I should be with all the people and germs and commotion. Anonymous crowds are okay. Seeing people for the first time since cancer diagnosis is really hard and must be managed in smaller batches.

Hope today finds you smiling and laughing with the joys of the season... I'm going to do that, too!!! I choose joy.



  1. Kristin,
    My heart is reaching out to you today. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I hate needles and would not be as brave as you for sure. I pray you don't catch any bugs from the kids and others around you. Stay away from the malls; major germfest.
    James says a big Merry Christmas from your classmates and is praying also.
    May His peace wash over you today and hey, 3 sleeps till the children won't be sleeping either.

  2. Kristin,

    Sometimes people maybe at a loss for words on what to say to comfort you or ease you load, but I hope you never feel alone especially through the scary times. You are not to from from many peoples thoughts and prayers. So many are praying and rooting you on through this difficult journey. I pray God gives you comfort from your physical pain but also that you find peace emotionally. You have such an amazing support system in your family and friends. God is bigger than cancer....keep on fighting and keep the faith, you CAN do this!!

    Helen Turton

  3. Praying for sweet dreams tonight... Lord help Kristin not to fear, for you are with her!


Connecting through comments: