Good Morning Sunshines!

Today is a good day.  I woke up. I am healthy. I am alive.  Thank you God. 

And I drank my green smoothie, "To health!"  Thank you, Friend for delivering the green goodness every single day, I am not surprised by your amazingness, I am inspired by it!

Yesterday was a huge, exhausting, roller coaster-y, 12-hours-of-medical-testings-and-doctor-appointments kind of day.  And Shawn and I are so grateful for the positives in each one of the meetings we had.  There were scary parts, and tears and tears and fatigue, but my couldn't-ask-for-better spouse just kept us praising God and praying thanks for the good. 

Backtrack:
On Thursday I had gone to my GP to ask for a bone scan - the specialists were talking about it but since they are not bone doctors needed my GP to order it... "okay, I shall ask her", said I.  I also asked for some different pain meds because I need sleep and waking up in crazy pain when the meds wore of each night was cutting into my beauty rest...and Shawn's.  Sorry husband.   So, awesome GP booked the bone scan, gave me some new meds to try.  Awesome Booking Receptionist got me a last minute appointment at Burnaby Hospital for Friday.  Friday!  Tomorrow?!  Thank you God!  Oh, and now what to do about the callback mammo in Chilliwack at 10:50... can we make it?!  Sure!   I hope! 

Friday:
Awesome GP had phoned to Chwk mammo on Thursday to ask to let me come early on Friday but radiologist had already gone home for the night... so Awesome Booking Receptionist came to work early to call Chwk to get me an earlier appointment, and to call Burnaby to ask for a later one.  Came.to.work.early.  Early!!!  Thank you God for a team willing to go above and beyond for me and for my family!  Came in early.  Wow.

So...
8:05 Friday I phoned to Chilliwack to ask about a cancellation or to come early, they new all about me by now after all the diligent phone calling of my GP and her receptionist.  "Let me ask the radiologist, I will call you back. We might fit you in because it's just the mammo, not ultrasound." Me, "Oh, so not the bad callback, just the regular callback?" Her, "Yes, just the regular callback, don't worry, I get called back every single time."  Praising God for the immediate lessening of panic at receiving the callback!  Then Awesome Booking Receptionist (GP's) called to say "Burnaby said you can come at 12:30 and they know you are coming in from Chilliwack and are okay with that."  Thank you God!

8:16 Chwk calls to say "We can fit you in at 8:45."  Me, "Okay, we'll leave the house in 5 minutes"... rushing upstairs to quick-shower and throw on clothes, dear husband bleary-eyed is sent upstairs to quick-dress and out the door we are at 8:27.... Chwk is a solid 20 plus city traffic to get to the actual hosp. 

8:57 Kristin breezes through the doors to the mammo, empty waiting room, adorable-but-molasses-slow granny ahead of me at the desk.  Receptionist doesn't respond to "I'm Kristin Erickson" but Receptionist-beside-her smiles and says, "Here's your chart."  "Go right in"  Thank you God.  I am always worried to be late because I hate for people to be mad at me...especially medical people or people who might have needles or stuff.

Phew, we made it!  Had the mammo, same lovely tech as two weeks ago...she even remembered me!  So lovely!  Did the mammo, sat to wait, radiologist wants to do an ultrasound.  "Can you fit me in today?" "Yes, can you wait 30 minutes?" "Yes!"  Thank you God for fitting me in today!  Thank you God the fear-free drive this morning even though this is quickly turning my stomach to churning now.  Sat to wait, eyes started to blur from new meds, feeling really groggy but glad for a solid sleep and rest the night before.  Texted Shawn.  He came inside to wait.  Poor husband, I cannot imagine the emotions of the husband waiting in the outside room.  [sad face]

Ultrasound on right breast (strange because I was sure it was my left breast because that's the side my underwear bra always digs into!), radiologist will send report to doctor.  Me, "Could you please send that as soon as possible?  I am having related surgery next week."  Kind tech puts hand on my shoulder, "Poor thing, this is happening really fast for you, hey?"  "Yes."  "I'll talk to the tech, your doctor can phone and ask."  "Okay."  Me walking away zombie-like, groggy, rainbows in my eyes but not the happy rainbows-and-unicorns-and-jellybeans kind.

Gather husband, get to van, start bawling.  Overwhelmed, again.  Told him the story, Shawn starts praying and thanking God for quick appointments, I join him in praising God... through tears and fog so not dancing-for-joy praising at all... for getting in so quickly and thanking Him for information which will inform the medical team of how most efficiently to treat me.  Love how just making my mouth and mind say the words can start the quick-lift out of the dark and into peace.  God is good.  Let Him be good in your life, try it.

Catch our breath, hit the freeway for a quick pit-stop home so husband can shower, we can kiss the kids and then head to Burnaby with 6 minutes to spare. 

On the freeway I called GP to ask her to call radiologist. 

Get to Burnaby Hospital, groggy, overwhelmed.  I find that each appointment takes me a fair while to process/get over/absorb/recover from.  So much information, fear trying to take hold, fighting it off and claiming, "Get behind me Satan, you shall NOT prevail, because Jesus never fails!"  Feeling peace.  Grateful heart.  Rollercoasters have nothing on the speed and twists and turns of the emotions flowing through any of us on any given day, eh?

11:47 Check in at Nuclear Medicine "Wow, you made it!" says nice receptionist.  Me holding my head on the lovely-high counter.  "You okay?" "New meds, making me feel yucky" "Maybe they can let you lie down in the back.  We're both survivors you know.  Me, breast.  Her, lung."  Kristin brightening, "That's so encouraging, thank you for telling me."  Shawn and I go to the other 'waiting room'/'chairs in hallway where all the gross germy people walk past' [shudder]

12:10 Get injected with radioactive stuff... secretly hoping I become like Peter Parker and get some Spidey-senses for my troubles.  Head out to van in search of food.  Had grabbed some scones, thank you to the church providing bread and baking to keep my family from starving whilst mommy's thinking is mush.   Shawn and I were starving.   Got a call from GP, "I called the Chwk radiologist, they see a shadow in the ultrasound, he said "Not cancer".  There are three levels of concern, this is barely level one, but we will check it out.  I will book a biopsy for next week."  Kristin, standing on the sidewalk outside the grocery story at Metrotown.  Chest feeling tight, Get behind me Satan, you shall not prevail.  "How's the pain?" asked GP.  "New meds make me so groggy."  "Come in on Tuesday (cuz it's a long weekend here) and I will give you something different.  Stick with the other meds for now."  "Okay"  Husband joins me, we start walking to the van, tears and sobs building.  Crying in the icky Metrotown parking lot.  Get to the van.  Feeling panic-y.  Shawn prays, thanking God for quick results and for appointments.  Kristin feeling peace, trying to listen, can't really listen, feeling peace and feeling thankfulness for the peace that only God can bring in this. Tears and panic subsiding.  "I love you" "I love you, too"

12:30 Got to Metrotown, found A&W.  Ordered.  I opened my burger and pushed it away.  Gross.  Having trouble eating.  Please pray for that?  I need to be eating and strong for surgery but all my body wants is carrot sticks.  Wandered Metrotown, found a J Juice and ordered a protein smoothie (which was icky because they use the crap protein not the actually-tastes-okay kind), choked down half.

2:20 Back to the hospital parking lot, put van chair back to sleep.  Pain was high, listened to Aaron Shust "God so loved the world" about six times while meds kicked in.  Mentally created a Peace for Pain playlist, that's going on the top.

2:55 Back in the waiting room, thankful for no germy people in the halls now.

3:05 Nice tech calls me in and I wait my turn for the scan table.  There's a full house of people waiting but I feel peace.  I know people are praying. 

3:15 I get my turn on the table.  Nice tech #2 gets me comfy, props my arm up for pain-free table-time.  Kristin falls alseep.  Honestly, the best rest I have ever had.  Ever.  Like, ever!  At some point nice tech #1 came in to tell me "Only 5 minutes" and I remember jumping because I was so asleep.  [smile]  When the beeper beeped and my time was up, nice tech #1 asked if I minded laying for a little while longer, "I'd like to get you onto the other machine to look at your shoulder."  "Yes!  The better the pictures, the better the information for my medical team!"  I head over to the other room to nice tech #3 and a different kind of machine.  They did specific shoulder scans, both sides, again I fell asleep.  "You okay?" "Yes, this is the most relaxed I've felt in weeks" "You're one of only two people who have ever said that." Me, smiling because I know that God's people were praying it... and then later when I saw all the FB posts of the 17 or so people who had responded "praying" it gave me a chuckle.  I can seriously FEEL your praying, TeamKristin... keep up the great work!  I thank you!!!

4:50 Head out of parking lot to join the rush hour traffic.  Call kidney guy's office to say we'll be late.  "Hi Receptionist... is Dr running late tonight?" She laughs, "Of course!... here's your new time"  Thanking God for kidney guy's full schedule so that we aren't feeling too pressured by the traffic.  Kristin falls asleep.  Bless you Husband, for doing all this driving today in the midst of your own emotions.  You are amazing.

5:55 Get to kidney guy's office... "You'll be in about 20 or so minutes"  Shawn and I parka-up and go for a walk or two around the building.

6:30 Our turn.  Dr. comes in "So, did Receptionist call you?  You have your date?"  "Yes, November 21"  Dr explains the surgery, the shark bite...though the incision isn't "one long lazy-ass thing all the way across" ... Kristin doing happy dances and cartwheels in her head!!!!  But one large incision at ribs and one less large (so, still not small... thanks for trying, doc!) at the bikini line "I'll try to keep it below the bikini line" Kristin, "Good, because I've been working towards wearing a bikini next year!" He chuckles, me, "No, I'm serious... I'm wearing a bikini next summer!"  He's a guy, he doesn't seem to see the significance of that, but you girls will!  [laugh]  God is good, moments to chuckle as your doc is explaining major surgery and the risks and percentages is a blessing!

7:30ish  Walked in the door at home, Shawn runs out to his buddy's truck... guys' night out.  Thank you to the women in my life who arranged for the men in our lives to have a fun evening.    Kyle had put the boys to bed, he and M were doing their own little projects at the kitchen table, Momma put her jammies on and hugged all the children, made some phone calls, crashed into her bed and was sleeping before 10:00. 

Twas a big day.  With positives along the way.  Thank you God, for a husband to hold my hand and to pull me through the dark emotions, for your peace when I can barely muster an ask, for family and friends praying so very fervently, for this day.  I thank you.  I praise you.  I ask for healing for my body, Lord.  The surgeon got my bloodwork back (the big, check everything and for cancer bloodwork) and said the report showed 'numbers' for cancer but was inconclusive.  What my heart heard was "this is serious, but not hopeless"! 

God is blessing us at every turn and whether those blessings add up to one more day with you, or 5 zillion more days with you, I want to see them, acknowledge them, celebrate them, revel in them, hope in them, pray them to be true, be grateful for them!!!

Today you woke up.  You are alive.  You are healthy.  Thank the Lord.

My surgery date is for November 21 and the doctor said, "It's a miracle!" Kristin, "Well, I have a whole army praying!"  OR time is very difficult to get and so it is a miracle and I thank God for this date.  My surgery will be the first of his day.  I am so grateful for a surgeon going to bat with administrators to get OR time for me.  Pray wisdom and discernment, pray peace, pray excellence, pray gentle recovery, pray strength of mind and body, pray for my husband, pray for my kids, pray for my extended family and my dear inner circle friends, pray for each of us as we are connected through my cancer journey.  Please.  Thank you.  So much.

Last week I had posted a comment on FB about being "greedy for your prayers".  And that is exactly what best describes how I feel about the praying I know is going on.  I want more.  I know that God hears the cries of His people.  I know that God said we can bring all our fears and all our everything to Him.  Nothing is too big or too small for God, He loves us even more than a mommy who feigns interest when her child comes to show her the sixteen rock in the driveway... God never feigns interests.  He IS interested.  He loves us crazy-much.  Keep praying.  Know that I also am praying for you, that God would be real to you in this.  That God would comfort you and that you would know and feel His love, that you would know and feel His peace.  Connected.  Not alone.

God is good, all the time.