Surgery fear: release

Just had a thought.

Last night I was sitting on the little couch, under the Christmas-light-bedecked back window, talking on the phone with my Sis. [fast fact: I have two sisters, they are twins. I'm the "not the twin". [tee hee] They are identical and even come to events having dressed the same without knowing it...that cracks me up!]

Anyway, was talking to K (yes, our names all start with K) and feeling a bit on-the-verge-of-a-fair-bit-freaking-out about the looming surgery. I've never had major surgery. I've never had to do the whole "wash your hair, don't use product, shower with the special soap but don't let it touch your face, then shower again and don't use any lotion or deoderant" rules thing. And frankly, it's freaky-serious... and I'm a rule follower... and what if I miss a step... and then does my surgery get cancelled? ...or worse... since I don't know I missed a step and then they don't know cuz I can't tell them because I just plain don't know do they do the surgery and then I get some hugely bad side effect from the extra germ that was on me that we didn't all know about?!?!?!? GAH!!!! See... shouldn't think too much.

So, clearly, as the day draws nearer, the surgery-related freak-outs seem to be mounting.

BUT... just now, I had an epiphany. As I was scrolling through downloaded favourite quotes I saw this one:

And then I read one of your comments on this blog... and it tweaked something for me... and I remembered what one of my sisters said when I told her I was scared to wake up (from surgery) to sad faces... and she said, "No sad faces. Relief that one step is done! How's that?" And I said, "Deal."

And this morning, right now... well, actually about 10 minutes ago because Baby Boo (son4, 5 years) just crawled out of bed and came and snuggled on my lap and that kid is the most squishy-awesome snuggler, all warm and gooshy with sleep and I can just never ever resist holding that boy tight into me and just breathing all of his loveliness in...

So... just in this last many minutes moment I realized, "Hey, surgery is just one part of this whole thing... and we already STARTED this whole thing... so really... just go with the flow, it's one more appointment not so much pressure that it's "the" appointment!!"  You know?!   And so, in that instant, about 10 or so minutes ago, God sprang His peace on me.  I feel brighter.  Lighter.  I am revelling in it right now.  And now it is settling over me.  And I feel His quiet.  And my body feels rest.  And I am grateful.  Thank you Lord.  For your sweet presence. Be with my friends today.  [breathing it in]

[overcome with joyful tears, thanking God, praying for my husband and our children, praying for my parents and in-laws, my sisters and their husbands, my nieces and nephews, peace, quiet, God's presence thankful grateful heart full up sweet presence of a holy and matchless God savouring the quiet He brings to me]

God is good.  All the time.  I say it because I mean it and I believe it.  And I know that even if it gets really hard to say He knows my heart and He loves me.  That's awesome-good.  All the time.

Love for you.
Kristin