Obituary

ERICKSON, Kristin Lorraine

(Templeton)

Kristin Lorraine Erickson

passed peacefully

into the presence of her

Lord and Saviour on Sunday

February 9th after a courageous

battle with cancer.

Our special redhead Kristin

was born on Feb. 24th, 1972.

She was raised in Abbotsford

by her parents Jerry & Evelyn

Templeton and became

a proud big sister to Kori &

Keri in 1973.

Family and friends meant the

world to Kristin. In her early

years she loved camping and

fishing (especially at the river!),

reading and studying,

she traveled to Japan on an

exchange program, managed

the Abby Senior boys basketball

team and eventually

got involved in drama both

at school and church. After

graduation in 1990, she received

her Bachelor of Arts

degree at SFU through UFV and 

continued her studies in counselling 

at TWU. On November 5th,

1994, she became the loving

wife to Shawn Erickson.

Eventually they expanded

their family with her most

proud accomplishments,

her children: Kyle, Miranda,

Braden and Connor. 

She was

only weeks away from 

completing her last full semester

in the Library and Information

Technology program

at UFV, when she was diagnosed

with cancer.

Kristin blogged her journey

and it wasn’t long before

family, friends and strangers

were captured by her authentic

emotions; displaying her

courage, faith, and hope, and

always leaning on God for

strength. 

www.canadiankristinconnected.

blogspot.ca

Kristin will be greatly missed

by her husband Shawn, her children Kyle, 

Miranda, Braden and Connor.
Parents Jerry & Evelyn Templeton, 

sisters Kori Unrau (Roger), 

Keri Jones (David), In-laws 

Carl & Wiffy Erickson,

Brother-In-Law Ryan

Erickson (Meg), Nieces &

Nephews Karli and Blake Unrau

and Alanna, Vanessa and

Curtis Jones. She will also

be missed by her Grandma

Mary Martens and many beloved

Aunts, Uncles, Cousins

and friends.

Funeral Service 2:00 pm, 

February 14, 2014 at

Abbotsford Pentecostal Assembly.

In lieu of flowers, please

make a donation to the CLCC

Benevolence fund at Kristin’s request. 

(Christian Life

Community Church: 35131

Straiton Road, Abbotsford

BC, V2S 7Z1)

Thank you to the 1000+ people that joined us to Celebrate Kristin! 

Also, we would like to say an extra special Thank You to the many people that helped us with the all the important little details of the day.  We couldn't have done it without out!

We truly appreciate each and every one of you and want to thank you all for your continued love, support, and encouragement as we navigate life without Kristin.

For those of you that could not be with us, we will post pictures, the slideshow and other details here over the next few days.

Kristin Erickson Memorial Fund

Kristin's amazing friends have set up a Memorial Fund to take care of Kristin's Kids.

If you've been thinking you would like to do something for the family and don't know what...

please consider donating:



Kristin Erickson Memorial Fund | Memorial/Funeral - YouCaring.com



Funds can also be mailed:

pay to Kristin Erickson Memorial Fund

c/o Dwayne Stewart

1-30435 Progressive Way

Abbotsford BC

V2T 6Z1

Funeral

Please join our family as we

Celebrate Kristin's life 

on February 14, 2014 at 2:00pm

Light tea to follow

At Abbotsford Pentecostal Assembly 

3145 Gladwin Rd

Abbotsford BC

In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to the CLCC or APA Benevolence fund at Kristin's request. Our family has been extremely blessed and supported by these church families and we would love for them to continue to bless others in difficult situations. 

Cheques payable to:

Christian Life Community Church

35131 Straiton Road

Abbotsford BC V2S 7Z1

Abbotsford Pentecostal Assembly 

3145 Gladwin Rd

Abbotsford BC

Then Sings My Soul

We feel incredibly blessed for the Support, Love and Prayers pouring in as we share this heartbreaking news.

Kristin slipped peacefully into the arms of her Lord and Savior yesterday, Sunday February 9th at 2:30pm.

Your love, prayers and encouragement gave Kristin the strength and courage to face each day of this journey. We feel that Kristin was able to reach out to Jesus because she knew her family would continue to be taken care of.

Please continue to pray for Kristin's husband Shawn and their 4 beautiful children.

Shawn has requested no visits at this time but please feel free to continue sharing and posting on this blog.

Knowing what I know about Heaven...

I bet the trumpets played,

And the angels sang every sweet refrain of Amazing Grace.

And that heaven’s hands opened up the gate,

And the children danced when they saw your face.

As happy as they were to see you coming,

I was just as sad to have to watch you go.

Knowing what I know about heaven,

Believing that you’re all the way home.

Knowing that you’re somewhere better,

Is all I need to let you go.

I could hope that I could pray you back,

But why on earth would I do that.

When you’re somewhere life and love never ends,

Knowing what I know about heaven.

Where every single voice makes a joyful noise,

How sweet the sound when the saints rejoice.

To every broken heart and every wounded soul,

New life begins on streets of gold.

Where every tear is raining here from my eyes,

I know the sun is shining where you are.

(Lyrics by Sarah Darling)

Funeral details will be posted here as soon as they become available. 

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today we surrounded Kristin's hospital bed in the ER where doctors told her she had a blood clot in her jugular. The doctors said that people don't survive this, and gave us very little hope. Kristin was very sick and very weak and she said to the doctor "My God is bigger than this" to which the doctor replied "Yes He is". Our family (as well as friends, church family & blog readers!!) surrounded her with love and prayer and she walked out of the hospital 11 days later!

We've had a year of peaks and valleys, made tons of memories together, laughed & loved.

Today we surround her bed and ask for another miracle! Our God is bigger than this!!

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

(Attached picture is from one of Kristin's scrapbook pages)

Breathing in His Grace

I AM ABOVE ALL THINGS: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this everchanging world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms. This is the way of Peace, living in the light of My Presence. 

I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. 

When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say "Help me, Jesus!" and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged. I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place. 

~ Jesus Calling, Feb 8

Kristin has spent the last few days sleeping comfortably. She is no longer able to communicate with us but we have taken many moments to tell her how much we love her. On Thursday we played the song 'Never Once' by Matt Redmond. The Lyrics say "Never once have we ever walked alone, Never once did you leave us on our own" ... Kristin stirred for a moment as if she was saying to us 'Yes, Thank you Jesus for walking with me and walking with my family'.

We continue to put our focus on Jesus. He promised He wouldn't leave us or foresake us, and He hasn't. Through our tears we say Help us Jesus, through the many blessings we have experienced on this journey we say  Thank you Jesus!

Please continue to lift Kristin up in your prayers and ask for complete healing. As said best by her littlest, 

"Jesus don't let mommy die, 

if you can't do these things we Trust you Jesus, 

we know that you love us. 

Amen."

Please also continue to pray for the family, especially Shawn and the kids. 

Kristin would say, stop and take a minute to listen to this song. Housecleaning and tv watching can wait...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=722zPX1npcA&sns=em

Jesus In My Heart

With the help of medication and your many prayers, Kristin is resting comfortably. The nurses and doctors have been amazing with Kristin, and they are trying their best to keep her as comfortable as possible. They have been amazingly supportive to each of us.

Her awake time and communication is very minimal so again we ask that there be no visitors. 

 Yesterday Shawn, her Parents and sisters were able to gather around her bedside while she prayed for them, her family and her friends, naming them one by one. At the end of her prayer she reminded us that she has Jesus in Her Heart. A tearful moment but one that brings great Peace. Her body and voice are weak but her heart bursts with her Love for The Lord and her Family.

Thank you for continuing to leave encouraging memories and messages. We enjoy reading them and sharing some of them with Kristin in the quiet of her room. 

Reminder:

Out of respect for Kristin and the great love she has for her family we are requesting NO visitors. 

She is reserving all of her energy for Shawn and the kids.

Please continue to leave your loving comments for her and her family on this blog. We are so grateful for all the Prayers, Love & Support!

His Strength is Perfect

On Saturday February 1st Kristin gathered her children around her with her husband by her side to share with them the words she didn't want to share... She wouldn't be going home.

It was a devestating moment but in true Kristin fashion, after 4 weeks of pain and limited communication she mustered the energy and strength to Mother her kids with love the way she has done for 15 years. She told the kids that over the next day or two, or if she goes to heaven to be with Jesus, that they should feel free to express themselves as they feel they need to...yell, stomp, cry, etc. but when done, through memories, family and God's love they need to find JOY,  LOVE and PEACE.  Trust and love each other...family is so important. 

Grandma and Grandpa joined them around this time to offer love and support. Everyone calmed down and Kristin reminded the kids that We are Family- Your Grandmas & Grandpas, your Aunties & Uncles and your Cousins will always be there for you. Mommy doesn't want to share this with you but she has to tell you this so you can be strong! 

Eventually Kristin asked the nurse for help, she wanted the kids to be able to be closer to her. The nurse brought in a cot tight to her bed so the kids could climb up on it to hug or snuggle. 

Each of her children climbed on the bed with her, hugged and kissed her while exchanging words of how much they loved each other.  Her most important point was that they remain strong in The Lord, Trust in Jesus and NEVER lose their faith!

She prayed the most beautiful and encouraging prayer over each of her kids seperatley and then collectively. Shawn agreed thanking Jesus along the way.

As the day went on we all were able to share special moments with Kris. Mom and Dad had time alone with her in the morning. Later in the day Mom prayed over Kristin, Keri and Kori. This was a special moment that we will cherish always. Shawn's parents, brother & sister-in-law also shared some time together and Kristin prayed the most beautiful prayer over them as well.

Kristin shared some special thoughts with her brother-in-laws Dave & Roger. Once again Kristin managed to help each of us through yet another difficult day in a way only she could. 

Our family has found God's "strength for all things".  One of the verses Kristin has often quoted is Phil 4:13...I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. 

It was a difficult day filled with many tears but our Faith remains. We have Peace and we have Hope for tomorrow. 

"...weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning." ~ Psalm 30:5

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:38

Thank you for your continued prayers of healing for our dear Kristin.

Prayer Reminder:

To all who have committed to pray tonight... THANK YOU!! The thought of so many people lifting Kristin up tonight at one time is overwhelmingly AWESOME! 

Just a reminder, this prayer is in your own home (friends house, walk etc) NOT at the hospital. 

We have chosen 6:30pm-7:30pm tonight, but if that time doesn't work for you please feel free to continue praying any time!

Your comments mean the world to our family, sorry to those who have tried commenting and have been unsuccessful. Blogger has been very fussy! My only suggestion is to try choosing anonymous and leave your name in the comment message.

Hour of Prayer

Today is day 24 of Kristin's hospital stay. Can you please join us in prayer for these specific needs:

• Continued discernment for the Doctors and Nurses (who have been amazing!!). Kristin's health is very complicated, and has required extra care.

• A decrease in muscle spasms and pain!

• For Kristin's appetite to return and energy to eat.

• For improved mobility.

• For Shawn & Kristin's kids as they continue to adjust to Mommy being in the hospital. 

• Health and strength for Shawn and kids, Grandparents and siblings.

• For Shawn as he is being stretched between Home, Hospital and Work.

• A MIRACLE... Complete Healing!!

An hour of Prayer...

It would be great if we could all gather in Kristin's room to pray. Unfortunately that is not possible. Instead, we are asking everyone who is willing to set aside some time WEDNESDAY JAN 29th between 6:30pm-7:30pm to pray specifically for Kristin. ** In your own homes **

"For where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I among them."

- Matthew 18:20

* Gather with your friends * Care Group * Family * or go on a Prayer walk * find a quiet spot alone * on your knees or on the couch! * 

Kristin has said on this blog many times "your prayers have blanketed us in Peace".

It's so great to be a part of a family who is willing to hold up Kristin and each of us  in prayer.

Thank you!

~ Kristin's Family

Radiation: upper back

MMy appointment is for 3:00 and I am nervous.  Anxious maybe?   So tired and needing a map.  Managed pain with pillows and positioning today, thanks to the nurses who would lift and maneuver these cranky leg and hips.  But was awake for most of this day with my husband by my side.  Love that. 

Get thee behind me, Satan, you shall not prevail, because Jesus never fails.

Lord, I receive your peace. Thank you.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
—John 16:33

Ice cream treats w my littles

What an amazing blessing to have these two little treasures show up with ice cream! Thank you to the love who made it so.  I miss my kids and having time to listen to the stories and share the treats and hear the songs these people are forever breaking out into just fills my heart with joy!!!

January 18, 2014

Greetings,

This week has been a week of crisis'.  

When Shawn and I were home and I saw myself biting my hands because the pain was so overwhelming we knew we needed help. Came to hospital by ambulance.  It has taken til now (two weeks) to get the meds right and we are still working out dose.  The radiation brought pain flairs that are impossible to name.  White-hot to look at, searing embers of firewood to feel, the pressure of a large piece of steel machinery binding them frozen up and locked and impossible. This mind is a beautiful thing and God spare me the detailed understanding of this exact feelings.  But I am still full aware of them. Still praying them gone. 

And the constipation: 10 days.  I can't even begin to share that with you.  Nor can I share the next 24 hours of wicked cramps and cramps and full bladder and catheter. Great.  then a pain port to get meds in quick, which I love, but suddenly I feel like so many things in means no going home? 

My family is barely hanging on.  Dinners are whatever keri and kori can huck in the oven before they come to me. Mom and dad got some rest at home before coming back to this horrible bed of me writhing on agony. Mom and Dad and Keri and Kori are here every single day; reaching for water, adjusting pillow, adjusting the bed, being me a snack or juice, and and and.  please be loving them as they are helping keeps family getting home-renovating, and all the other stuff!!!!!!!

My eyes are extremely blurry and it is hard to type or read or blog.

Time well spent

Radiation: pelvis: done

Hi guys!

Sorry for the sporadic posts. I spend almost all of each day sleeping.  This body is working hard to take the treatments and  let them do the cancer-stopping thing and resting and recovering.  

I have finished the five radiation treatments and have seen some improvement already.  Praise God!  I am encouraged.  It takes a little while yet to keep working/ get working.

Today I will have another blood transfusion, my red count is down again from last week.  Body is working hard and I am grateful for the resources to help boost me up physically as your prayers boost me emotionally and spiritually.  

Yesterday was a gong show regarding pain.  It was just so white-blinding. I don't even know how to describe it.  Just exhausting. 

My medical team here has been incredible and I am fully content, calm, trusting in their care.  That is a huge blessing in itself!

We have worked out a system forgetting the kids-and-mommy time happening.  I kiss them so much but also tire so easily.  Always a learning curve. I'm managing toHave  lots of time alone with my husband, too.  I cherish that a lot and just wish I didn't always fall asleep.   Ah well, falling asleep with him here makes me feel content.

The basement flood project is coming together: the menfolk have been working so hard to get it done. We have been blessed with an amazing family and I am so glad that we all have chosen all our lives to nurture and fight for and hold in high esteem "this family".

Rambling thoughts.  This is day 11 in hospital, maybe?  I have peace.  I have my family.  I have an incredible team to figure out pain management.  The kids seem so much more okay to have me here, rather than there.  They needed some respite, too.

Today is so very dark outside, but my heart is light.  I just rest in the knowledge that my God is greater, awesome in power,  a Healer, and he loves me very much. 

You, too.  He loves YOU very much, too!

Happy New Year 2014!

Hospital: day 9

Blood transfusion.

Oxygen.

Bed-bound.

Infections fighting.

Fever spiking.

Pain managing. 

Comfort-seeking, pillow-stacking.

Cancer fighting.

Movie watching.

Family time.

Now is okay.

Radiation: pelvis

Radiation therapy starts this afternoon on my pelvis (tailbone).  I will have five appointments.  There is also some cancer at the top of my back which will be dealt with next.  My right hip is fairly stuck and very painful so treating that first.

The radiation worked successfully on my right shoulder last year so we are hoping and expecting the same.  

Yesterday I ended up with a bad urinary tract infection, antibiotics are working on that.

For the most part I am sleeping most of each day and night.  This body is chemo tired and also didn't sleep much the last two weeks due to pain so am playing catch-up.  

The pain is fairly managed but flares up when I move or pivot.  

The doctor and nurses here are incredible. I will be in hospital for awhile yet.  No visitors at this time, please. 

Thank you for your messages and prayers and texts. I read them all but have been too weak to respond.  Thank you for your prayers!  Please remember my extended family in your prayers, too, as they have added even more "helping Shawn and Kristin" into their day during this time.  How they find time, I don't know.

I have peace and I am grateful to have this hospital bed.

Blessed.

Have been so blessed by this hospital experience.  Ambulance came quickly and the paramedics were amazing.  Got triaged and had so much pain I couldn't cope.  That was hard but affirmed the decision to come.  Got my port accessed and meds started.  At about 2:00am I was given a room exactly where I need to be right now.  The staff is amazing and kind and my nurse told me that this was an emergency bed and she knew I was the right patient for it. Again, affirmed to me my decision to come to hospital.  My day nurse has been incredible as he and the doctor have worked on a pain plan and then my nurse has so ... just full of caring... waded through, slogged through, it with Shawn and I.  Incredibly hard morning but now I am up and eating lunch!  And I got to pee!  Ahhhhh.

I am just so blessed by this hospital stay. I will likely be here for a week and then the team will assess the situation.   Will keep you posted as I can.  Pain is a big thing that is going to take some time to work through.  Also, yesterday I had chemo so this is chemo week coming up.  We aren't "better" yet but this is definitely better than this morning was so I'll take it!!!

Thank you for your love and prayers.  Mommy in hospital again is going to be hard on the kids.  And going to take Team Kristin circling the wagons again.  I am so grateful for this amazing hospital we have and the staff here to guide and direct us.  In an instant everything can change for the better... and I am savouring this instant of sitting up and eating my hospital lunch!!!

Thank you for your prayers!!!

Called ambulance.  Tried.  Too much pain.  Need help.  Please pray.

Loss

On Christmas Eve our family lost a dear cousin when Naomi passed away unexpectedly.  I was crushed and heartbroken and devastated by her death. I am heartbroken for Auntie Sharon and Uncle Norm and Naomi's brothers and the family.  I can't believe she is gone.  

My overwhelming back pain, the overwhelming jostling of my emotions between 'grateful to be alive for one more Christmas after cancer' and 'will this be my last Christmas', and then the overwhelming loss of a cousin I felt close to... It has just been a lot.  And when you can't cry because it hurts your ribs or sends your lungs to spasm... It just makes the processing that much harder. Tomorrow is the memorial for Naomi.  I am unable to attend because I will be at chemo.  Chemo.

Today we found out that my Uncle Alf has passed away (same side of the family, my Mom's side, Naomi's uncle-by-marriage).  Unexpected.  Sad news.  Again. I am heartbroken for my Auntie Mart and her family as they wrap their heads around this and transition to life without Uncle Alf.  He used to eat the ants off the picnic table when we went camping... for pretend... I think.  lol

Lord, we know these two have peace and rest in heaven with you.  We ask for your peace to us as we mourn. 

I don't want to answer the phone anymore. 

More cancer

The uphill climb has gotten steeper once again: the excruciating back pain is due to "some disease in the SI".  The SI is the bone between your upper and lower back.  I have huge pain at sitting or standing or walking, better at laying.  I have wicked sciatica down my right leg. I pulled a rib so have wicked pain in my left rib cage and can't stand the pain to cough, I need to cough to clear my lungs.  It's a mess. It has been a very hard two weeks.  

Saw my oncologist yesterday and was, once again, impressed by his can-do attitude regarding getting me set up with the pain clinic and radiologist at ARH (closer to home, hooray!).  There is talk of radiation for the back pain (this was very successful for the shoulder pain I had with cancer in that right scapula last year).  I have chemo on Saturday and am very concerned about the muscle pain that will bring.

It has been an intense and horrible two weeks.  We had a good day Christmas and Boxing Day and I am calling that a miracle.  Our kids have witnessed horrible things as their mommy has been fighting pain.  My husband has not slept or rested in all that time.  It has been mind-bending.

The song God keeps sending me is "... strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me."

Clinic day

Found a lounge to hang out in while we wait.  Nice!  Clinic day, praying the doc has a plan for this back pain.  Chemo on Saturday. 

Our seven years old telling mommy and daddy at prayers tonight, "it's okay to cry."  

We are so very weary.  I have had crippling back pain for almost a week now.  We don't sleep much.  We are a slave to the medicine cycle and the clock.  We are exhausted. Now there are side effects to the meds.  We are overwhelmed, Shawn and I. 

Goodbye 2013

New Year's Eve.

Farewell 2013.

I wanted to be angry with you.  I wanted to kick you to the curb.  But the reality is that when I think on this past year all I see is notes and cards and gift cards and blankets and scarves and gift baskets and prayers and kindnesses and silver linings.  We have been so very, very blessed.

Happy New Year's, friends!

Welcome 2014 and all of the blessings that you will bring!   

Merry Christmas, to your family from ours!

Praying that you will feel loved, that peace will descend over your day like snowflakes on eyelashes, and that there will be joy in your heart.  Thank you for blessing our family so incredibly all this long year.  We are so grateful.  As I wait for my family to rise up and celebrate Jesus this morning I have had time by the light of the Christmas tree to give thanks to God for the many blessings that He has overflown into our lives this year.  My heart is full.  Merry Christmas, my friends, thank you for being a blessing to us.  May your holiday season be heart-filling and smile-making and great-memory-making!!
Merry Christmas, with love.

Hospital and pain plan

Headed home with a pain plan.  Cancer  and no kidney complicate things.  I opted  out of IV narcotics.  I chose to go home and have Christmas with my kids. 

Had a good twenty minutes rest in the room.  Could feel your prayers melting that pain away and God granting me some rest.  Thank you.

May your Christmas be bright!!!!

Help

Excruciating lower back pain. Might have I go to hospital.  Can't cope.  Took big meds.  I want Christmas.  Devastated.

When wishes come true it's like 

eating fruit from the tree of life.

~Proverbs 13:12

Came across this verse yesterday when I was reading a children's Christmas story.  

I hadn't read this verse before, I like it.  It's pretty.

SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally feel not chemo-sick. 
I finally feel a clear head.
I want to spend time with the kids.  They are on school holiday now. 
Shawn is home.
Let's DO SOMETHING AND GET OUT OF THIS FREAKIN' STUPID HOUSE THAT I AM SO VERY BLINKING SICK OF.
And NOW I AM PARALYZED WITH LOWER BACK PAIN THAT HAS ME IMMOBILIZED.  I CAN HARDLY WALK AROUND THE HOUSE.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

THIS IS MY TWO WEEKS WITH THE KIDS.  THIS IS MY NOT CHEMO WEEKS.  THIS IS MY CHRISTMAS SEASON. THIS IS MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE.  WHY CAN'T I JUST FREAKING HAVE ONE NORMAL FREAKING MOMENT THIS YEAR????

I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY AND I CAN"T EVEN CRY A REAL UGLY CRY BECAUSE IT HURTS MY BACK AND WILL START ME COUGHING AND THAT WILL DROP ME TO THE GROUND.

I TRY HARD TO BE SMILEY EVEN ON THE HARDEST DAYS BUT I AM JUST WEARY.  I JUST AM SICK OF THIS.

I'm sorry.  I'm just.  Needing.  God.  I don't know what else to do.  Please pray that the back stuff will just release itself and stop.

Saturday!!!

Big kids are at a sleepover.  Hubby and I enjoyed our coffee/tea while we watched the boys build a snow hill and race with the new sled.  Such a good and relaxed morning.  Just as Saturday should be!  I'm feeling quite good today.  The chemo side effects have mostly left this building!  Yay! Back is fairly stiff but hoping that by getting out and wandering a little through town I can work that out.  Feeling smile-y today.

Last night was M's birthday party and I was so happy to get to attend this year!!! It was amazing to watch our girl interact with her friends! I loved meeting each new girl in her life (new school this year) and I am always thrilled to see friends from forever, too!  What a great group God has provided and Miranda has surrounded herself with, I loved the singing and dancing and silliness.  My heart was just so content to witness the evening!  Huge thanks to Mom and Nicky for wrangling girls, taking photos and serving up the pizza and cake.  

Hope your day is great!!!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Thing I miss...

Sitting at the table for dinner with my family.  

My hearts says yes, my stomach and gag reflex says no.  

The little adjustments of the last year are accumulating and I'm sort f just bummed.  I can hardly even read fac e boo k because I'm just plain missing doing the things you all are doing. Don't feel sorry for me but please, really stop and look at the people around you and say, "wow, I am truly blessed."

Epsom Salt with a view

Was advised to soak in Epsom salts to help alleviate chemo pain.  Until someone in this house develops super strength and could lift me out of the tub I'm too afraid that I'm too weak to get out of the tub myself... But then it came to me: foot bath.  Better than none, right?!?

The boys are, all three, playing w Lego advent pieces and I am glad to be upright and in the same room to watch their interactions.  Was feeling left behind this last week.  Trusting that this is the climb-back-up. Hoping, really hoping.

Rebuilding

So sleepy today.  This body is rebuilding all the healthy cells that chemo wiped out.  It's exhausting to lay here all day... someone pass me a bonbon?!

Chemo Round #3: cycle 1, day 6

Pain in my hips, lower back, right outside hip, upper middle back, right bicep, headache and a little lightheaded, lots of gagging, can't cough because of port pain, and rib pain.  So tired but can't get a good sleep because my body won't relax.  Head is more clear today, body is hyper-sensitive. Any aches that would normally see chiropractor are just flaring and angry at me.  Not allowed yo go to chiro.  I'm not good with pain.  I am a wimp and I can't speak half the time  because the air being forced through my lungs comes out like a ghostly moan. And can turn to gagging which hurts my stomach and diaphragm. 

Helping M with ideas for her ugly sweater for school tomorrow.  C was home sick today fever broke in the night but didn't want to risk the class and thought he should rest it out.  Glad to interact with the kids.   Glad Shawn could stay home with me today.  I am horrible and grumpy but I need him.

So tired.  This is when thoughts and images of the physical act of dying crowd my thoughts.  About the kids.  About my death bed.  About my family and dearest friends. It's a lot to wrestle with when I am just so physically depleted and drained and done.  So tired.  Help, Lord. All I can ask is help.

Chemo sick

I forgot.  Chemo sucks.  Was struggling  with pain and seized muscles and nausea this weekend. Telling myself I'm  on the upswing today...easier to believe if I don't let even an extra minute pass unmedicated.  Blah.

Chemo Round #3: cycle 1, day 3

Body aches.  Pain.  Nausea.  This feels like chemo.  I'm going to assume that means its working.  Boo. Yay.  Got meds on board, let's have some relief now.

Got out to see the Christmas parade with Shawn and kids, that was fun! I was struggling with feeling super nauseous and hip pain in my right side but we saw Santa and the huge tree and it snowed (foam) which was fun!

Loving the love!

Check out the awesome ' chemo mitten' covers that my friend Leanna made!  She  figured I wouldn't hate the gloves as much if they were prettier... and she was right, but it wasn't just the pretty purple it was the love and thoughtfulness and time she took to quilt these that really made it better!!!!!  I am so blessed!!!!  Thank you!

Aren't they beautiful?!  The lady in the chemo chair across from me thought so, too!  I think she was thinking to get some mitten covers of her own!  You may have started a trend, Leanna!  

Flu is in the house.

Dear Lord, I am choosing to not panic.  My counts are good and the chemo dip that makes me very susceptible shouldn't be for a few days yet.  But, Lord, Kyle has come home with some big flu symtoms.  Please strengthen his immune system to fight off this bug.  Restore him to perfect health.  Protect the rest of us.  Heal our bodies, make us strong, put Your hedge of protection around us all  and keep any more germs away.  In Jesus' name, amen.

CeeLo Green - "Mary Did You Know" [The Bible Clip]

Chemo Round/Type #3: Cycle 1, Day 1 accomplished

We did it! 
On to the new chemo.
Seriously, ten minutes.  I didn't even have time to barely eat my two cookies from the nice Volunteer, close my eyes cuz the super-speed-buzz from my supporting meds was finally wearing off, and then my IV pump was beeping to send me home!  Seriously, felt like Mom and I were sneaking away as we left.  So strange.  But, different chemos are suspended (mixed) differently, and this one doesn't need to be mixed with a huge bag of anything else.  Ten minutes.  Still shaking my head.  The crash from my super-speed-buzz hit somewhere on Hwy 1 as we headed home and I slept hard for a short while, we stopped to shop real quick along the way, and then home we are.  Going to have dinner, might have a little shut-eye if I dare risk it at this point (5:30) and then early bedtime.

Shawn is feeling under the weather.  Please, please pray that this doesn't turn into full-on sickness.  I need him well.  And I need none of us to get sick.  He has been carrying too big of a load and his body is starting to demand some rest.  Dear Lord, we pray your strength and healing to Shawn's immune system.  Please raise his body up to fight the cold that is trying to drag him down.  Protect the rest of us from his symptoms and germs, especially my system especially right now.  Heal Shawn, help him to get the rest he needs at night, Lord.  Help his body be, and stay, strong.  In Your Holy Name we pray.  Thank you.  Amen.

More new hairs.  I've decided that having more hairs to choose from is actually less stressful.  This makes it just silly fun rather than trying to replace what was lost.  So thankful for the Cancer Agency Wig Room for the first wig,  one of the local Women's Pray Groups that has been faithfully praying for me who has donated the second wig, a dear friend who has shared a third wig, and now another friend and Cancer Victor who has shared this fourth wig!  I guess I may be becoming a hair hoarder?  Ah well, it's kinda fun... though a little creepy to see hairs laying around the living room, apparently I need a storage plan for these beauties! 

Chemo Round 3: Week 1, Day 1

Headed to Vancouver Cancer Agency for my new chemo.  As I was laying awake last night (been awake since 3am, yay spazzy meds!) and praising God and just chilling out in my bed an image came to mind: you know the mouthwash commercial where the bright teal blue wash swooshes in amongst the teeth and washes the tartar away... that image of this chemo swooshing in and washing the cancer cells out of my body.  I wasn't sad or worried or fretting but just thanking God for today's chemo.  And that image has come to me again and again this morning and gives me hope. Let's be hopeful together, shall we!!!

[smile]

YOU are the 'reason for the season'

YOU are the reason for the Season! 

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

~Micca Campbell

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Kristin's response:

Mind. Blown.  I have always loved the phrase "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" but didn't realize that that phrase is really just our Christian heart's response to a commercialized world view on the seasonal celebration of Christ's birth.  I had never thought of it before as ME being the reason for the season.  I am.  I fully believe that God so loved the world (ME) that He gave His only Son (Jesus Christ) so that whoever believes in Him (me, you, every and anyone who says "Jesus, I have sinned, please forgive me, please come into my life, help me live according to the character of you) will have eternal life (in Heaven with God when this earthly body dies).  I fully believe this.  And so the idea that KRISTIN is the reason for the season.  And SHAWN is the reason for the season.  And KYLE is the reason for the season.  And MIRANDA is the reason for the season.  And BRADEN is the reason for the season. And CONNOR is the reason for the season.  ... well, it's just so amazing and cool and mind-blowing!  YOU, my friend, if only just YOU, YOU ARE THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!!!!  God made Christmas happen... Christ's birth happen... just for YOU!!!!   WOW!!!!

I can't wait to share discussion with the kids about this at some point over the next few days when we can sit and chat and really just let this information sink in!   Don't you love it when God's love just smacks you right in the head like a v 8 commercial?!?!  Seriously, why didn't I think of it this way before?  So glad to have this perspective shift now!!!  Love when God uses F ac e B ook to knock my socks off!  Thanks, God.  You are so awesome!

 

Allowing anticipation in

Writing birthday invites for Miranda's classmates.  This time last year I honestly didn't know if I would get another birthday with the kids. I wouldn't even allow myself to think about this year's birthdays until the day before.  It even feels like I am "tempting fate" to think "I got another birthday with each of them" when her birthday is still over a week away... but I feel hopeful that I will get this birthday with my daughter.  Please realize what a big deal this is to me.  I don't look ahead.  I have grown to assume that there will be side tracks and blips and dips and side effects that will come between this moment and my plans for even the very near future. It's that loss of innocence that I have spoken of before.  But today, as I write these cards, I feel anticipation of spending 12th birthday time with my girl.  And anticipation is a rare commodity to me these days, for whatever reason and for a whole bunch of reasons. Once bit, twice shy, right?

Advent Fun with Connor

We are notorious for falling behind on our Advent Calendar fun. This is me trying to help Connor get caught up on his building. These kids have become so used to doing things on their own but I am trying hard to be present and in their space and conversing with them as much as I can without smothering... I have this constant panic that they will forget me, will forget the fun mommy, the adventurous mommy, the not-always-yelling-from-the-couch mommy. It's a fine line! [smile]. I am blessed that these kids are pretty gracious and will take the mommy moments when and as they come.

Yuck

Having trouble with some aches and some really tough nausea and bad gagging.  Gagging is not high in frequency but if I lean back in a chair it's so bad, overwhelming.  When I get up from laying the coughing is so bad, stomach sort of convulses or spasms.  I no like it.   Listening to my littlest boys shovelling snow for an hour on our little back deck makes me smile because I hear their happy work and know they are happy.  M is doing homework so she and I can watch the Voice tonight. Thankful for the anti-nausea meds I got last week. Feeling exhausted from the effort f the gagging and trying not to cough (because it makes me queasy and starts the gagging).  But the kids are so cute in the backyard even in the dark!  Oh how I love them!!!

Snowing!!!

It is gorgeous out this morning. A true "winter wonderland"! I took the camera with us to the bus and snapped some photos of the boys and I enjoying this rare treat! The snowflakes are the perfect, dry, fall-singularly and accumulating-on-the-road kind. Ours is most often a very wet and mushy kind of snowfall. I am loving this morning and am mesmerized by this miracle of temperature and air pressure and moisture. The roof across the street is completely covered even!!! O, the boys should have worn boots today! [chuckle] We are always doubtful that it will last. That's kind of what I am dealing with emotionally these days, will my body last? I don't want to die. But I do want to live in the will of God. But how do I trust God's will and also ask Him to please spare me from cancer. I know that I am in His plan, and while I do not at all think that God gives cancer or disease, I do think that what the Devil intends for evil God does use for good. And so much good has come from this cancer year we have been on. We are surrounded with love and care and miracles and mercies and grace and kindnesses at every turn. So would I want to have missed out on the blessings that this year has been? Um, heck ya! Cancer sucks mega! And, no. I wouldn't change it ...but I would like to be healed now.
I think that I have confused myself in trying so hard to not make demands of God that I have actually been making demands in a "back handed" sort of way. By working so hard to not try to force my own will, I have actually been sort of passive aggressive in how I come to Him. I can't articulate it... but I think my thinking and fretting about offending God has actually caused a fog to fall over my understanding of who God really is. He is omnipotent, He is the creator of all things, He is kind and just and He is love.
Our Pastor, a man I greatly respect, left us with a thought yesterday about waiting on the Lord. Pastor Jim said this: while we are waiting on the Lord (to answer our prayers), let us focus on the character of God. And that got me thinking. First, I was astounded that I was so lost in my understanding of my God that I couldn't quickly name several characteristics. I am a word girl, where were the words? Second, I resolved to put some study time in. Third, I am choosing to work on shifting my focus back to the benevolence and kindness and wants-to-hear-my-heart's-cries of God. I don't ever want to limit God because I have made Him too delicate to handle my mess, or too fragile, or simply because I'm thinking too hard on not offending him. Just spit it out, girl! Hello, He is God!!! I like this quote: "God is only as big as my imagination.". Why would I choose to let my over thinking create limits on the limitless power and awesomeness of the God I believe and love and trust? That makes no sense, Kristin. Stop that. Okay. I will.

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Source: http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=gods_character
God's Character
by Joyce Meyer

It’s important to know God’s character. Why? It gives us discernment. If we don’t know the character of God, how can we ever know who is from God and who is not from God?
The Bible says don’t believe everything that comes down the pike. You have to test and try the spirits. We need to know what is God and what is not God. And we need to recognize God in our daily activity.
Let’s look at three important traits of God’s character.

1. Justice

Out of all the aspects of God’s wonderful character, the one I personally enjoy studying the most is justice. God is a God of justice. That word justice is so awesome because it means that He will always make anything that’s wrong right. For example, if somebody mistreats me, I don’t have to worry about it because God is going to bring justice. He loves justice.
Dave told me one time that God showed him during his morning prayer time that nobody can really cheat you if you keep your faith in God. If somebody takes something from you, don’t sweat it. Even if God has to work it out through a hundred people to get it all the way back around to you, you will get it back.

“ Nobody can mistreat you and get by with it if you have your faith in God. ”

One way or the other, what was unjustly taken from you will come back to you. Nobody can mistreat you and get by with it if you have your faith in God. 

2. Goodness

God is good—this fact never changes. And He’s good all the time—not just once in awhile or when things go your way. Psalm 34:8 says, Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him (NIV).
Let me tell you something: When you are having personal trouble and all hell seems to be coming against you, one of the best things you can do is speak this out loud, “God is good. God is good. I may be having trouble, but it is not God’s fault. God is good.”

3. Holiness

God is holy. What does that mean? In the Greek, to be holy is to be righteous—or to be right. You know I think it would make our lives a whole lot easier if we would realize that God is always righteous.
To be honest, realizing that whatever He does is right whether I like it or not has helped me in my walk with God.
He’s always right. Whether it feels good to me or not, it’s right. And whether or not I agree with it, He’s right.

God’s Amazing Character Is Our Example

These three traits are not the only characteristics of God, but they are three significant and powerful ones. With the help of the Holy Spirit, each of us can incorporate these traits in our own personality.
I encourage you to spend some time looking up these three traits in the Bible and studying the magnificent character of Christ.  Find a good concordance or use an online Bible search engine and discover what the Word says about justice, goodness and holiness. Then study these three traits for the next thirty days, begin to practice them in your daily life, and see what God does…You won’t be disappointed.

---

This article is taken from Joyce's 10-part CD series, The Character of God.

[Above photo] My two littlests scraping together enough snow to throw at each other... these two are two years apart in age (+ 1 week) and have really begun to get rough-and-tumble and boy-ish in how they play.  Oi!  Just look away, Momma, just look away!  [huge proud smile]

GAH! He coughed in my mouth!!!!

Trying to not have a full-on panic attack.  Beloved youngest son just coughed directly into my nose and mouth as I was inhaling.  Direct hit.  His cough and cold into my air intake.  I want to scrape my mouth.  I want to gargle with industrial strength tooth cleanser.  I am honestly trying hard not to have a full-on panic attack.  I will not get sick.  I will not get sick.  It's just a cough.  My numbers are high.  I will not get sick.

The new chemo that I will start on Thursday makes your neutrophils (they make your white blood cells which are the infection fighters) drop.  This means that, starting Thursday, we will be putting an even bigger sign on our front door and we will be disinfectant wiping even more in this house and I will be wearing a mask when I cuddle with the kids. 

In my mouth.  Gah!  Direct hit!!!  In my mouth.   Gah!!!!

I will not panic.  I will not panic.  I will not panic. 

I'm feeling slightly panicked.

Lord, I pray your hedge of protection around this body extra in this minute.  Peace for my soul, Father God, germ-free for this body.  In the name of Jesus, amen.

And God did provide!!!

I called the Cancer Agency pharmacy and was told there is a total shortage of B12 shots.  I must have it today or I cannot have chemo next week.  Crucial!!!  The kind pharmacist suggested I start calling every pharmacy in town and then to call my oncologist if I had no success.  Then she suggested calling my doctor's office... which I did.  And, after explaining the urgency of getting the shot this morning, the lovely receptionist put me on hold, walked over to the nurse, and came back to say, "We have one vial left, when can you get here?"  I called Mom and we were there within 25 minutes!  The nurse was so sweet and the shot didn't hurt (I'm so just ugh about needles, I'm sick of them and I'm strong to get through it without whining but I still hate it down deep in my very core) and ta da!  I'm good to go. 

Next we picked up the other med (folic acid) I need to take today in order to get chemo next week... and there was a mix up at the pharmacy and some rigamorole and I came home without it.  Gr.  Yet another trip for my mom.  So dumb.  So I dug through my cupboard and found my vitamin box and took a 7 years old folic acid from being pregnant with C and popped that to get some on board.  Self-medicating with folic acid, well, there's far worse things... I should be cheery today for all the Bs, right?  [eye roll]

And now, sitting on my couch, hot pad on my shoulder/back to try and ease up this stupid cancer-shoulder pain... I think it's the super cold weather we are having.  It's sunny and clear and -6 today... that's super cold for our town!  So, cozied in I am.  Gonna sip tea and doze my day away and have a visit with a dear friend whom I haven't seen in far too long (thank goodness for texting, right M?).

Today is a good day.  I needed B12 and God provided when there was none to be found.

God is good, all the time.

Even when I am snapping at the kids and testy and tired and bitchy and grumpy and gross and just unenjoyable to be around (which happens a fair bit, sorry to say).  But I feel a lightness for having switched off the chemo+trial.  I just wasn't able to settle into it, and I usually can.  I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm worried that God's plan for my life and my plan for my life won't be the same.  And mostly, I am jealous that if I die I won't be here to enjoy life with my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, you all.  Jealous.  That is my deepest, darkest emotion about dying.  I fear that the actual dying/death part will be painful or gross (coughing and gagging and choking and stuff is my biggest physical gross-out) and that I won't be able to be me and that everyone will be emotionally wrecked from watching me go through it.  But for me, mostly I feel jealous of what I would be missing as you all go on / through your days.

So I just keep trusting in God's plan for my life.  I hold tightly to the promises of Heaven.  I hold loosely to the very minimal planning I allow in our days (for there always seems to be a blip).  I cherish my children but work hard to hold my hand open, to not clutch too tight, just in case I die.  It's a constant shifting of emotions and coping and energy level and mental and emotional exhaustion.  And then some moments, it's not and everything is pretty normal... the new tired-Kristin/weak-Kristin normal, but still... smiles and laughing and silly and hounding the kids to do chores.

It is what it is.  There's a ramble for you.
[smile]

Thank you, God, for providing the B12.  It never occurred to me that you wouldn't, but I'm glad you did all the same.

CT Results

Over the last week I have head my mind say, "I need a break, I just need a break." And in the next instant I panicked because I knew something was about to shift.

Yesterday, things shifted.  And I get my break.  Not what I had in mind.

As Shawn and I were given the results of my recent CT scan I felt calm and I felt a little shake-my- head / incredulous/ "serious God???" crazy-giggle burble inside me... God, you heard my heart's cry for a break and here it is.  That tiniest giggle lasted about a millisecond of surprise and was tinged with a moment of [heart sinking in chest].  It wasn't great news.

The CT showed that the current chemo + trial drug have not worked as hoped.  My oncologist has presented us with his top three options for treatment (option #1 chemo, option #2 chemo, option #3 a different trial).  We trust him.  I have prayed, and am praying fervently in this day, for God to give my doctor wisdom, to thank God for my doctor's excellence and experience and knowledge and expertise, and I ask God to give my doctor clear direction in my treatment plan.  Also, the #1 option requires that my oncologist apply to the government to please fund the treatment. (This is a treatment used as standard in other cancers and it is used for bladder cancer but is not a "standard" treatment protocol for bladder cancer and so not covered...because bladder cancer is rare and not many people get it (praise God!) it is not worth it financially for drug companies to pay the millions of dollars it costs to complete a trial.  Lots of people get lung cancer, so there is money in lung cancer drugs, so drug companies fund research in lung cancer... ah, money does make the world go 'round).  Hoops to jump through and pray through.

My oncologist used the word "option" several times and the phrase "several options" and "I felt that you would like to have options" and he was spot on.  I have often commented, throughout my adult life, that I like to "keep my options open".  My oncologist knowing me so well after only 3 or 4 visits was just exactly the confirmation I needed that this is the right guy for the job, and added to my peace.

I also like that my oncologist isn't waiting around to see if it works.  He sees that the current plan isn't the right plan and so we're moving to something else.  I like that he is proactive.  I like that he is researching.  I like that he has a plan B he is keeping in his back pocket.  I like the way he thinks and acts on my behalf.  That is awesome!  "...because you are young and fit..."  The "fit" cracks me up, "Um, doc, you do know that I've been laying around on my butt for the better part of a year now, hey?"  But 'healthy' isn't a word we use with cancer and hospital visits I suppose.  It makes me chuckle every time he says it!  Bad news and a chuckle in the same visit... this is such a roller coaster.

Shawn was caught off guard, "But you haven't gotten worse, how is this possible?"   My poor, so-very-dear-to-me husband, this poor guy, this stalwart supporter.  Please, keep holding him in your prayers.  I can't imagine how impossible it is for him to watch his beloved wife go through this and this and more and then some more.  His heart is broken for me.  He just wants to make it better.  He prays so fervently.  He hopes so hard.  He works so diligently.  He tries more and harder and deeper than anyone I know.  He is a good good good man.  He really is.  Hold him in you heart with me?  Lord, bless Shawn's day.  Please, Lord, bless Shawn's day.  I love that man truly, madly, deeply.  Thank you, Lord, for Shawn.  He is such a good man.

And so, I get a break until next week.   Last night, after the crappy job of telling my parents and sisters the update, I actually had a lightness of heart that I haven't had in weeks.  I knew, in my gut, that the current chemo+trial was not going to be the winner for me.  And so, being taken off of it just feels right.  I have hope in the next treatment.  I trust the Lord God, maker of Heaven and Earth: He has a plan and I am in it.  Ultimately, if nothing works, I will have perfect peace and rest and health in Heaven and I will one day see my loved ones there. A scary and peace-giving thought all at the same time... no one wants to die at 41 with an adoring family and a great life they are happy to be living!!! I do not want to die.  At all.  Until I am 100 and enjoyed my 100th birthday cake and a good nap in my chair and then will die peacefully in my sleep.

But I am not dying today.  Nope.  Today I am going shopping.  Christmas is coming!

UPDATE:  Thursday the phone call came that I have been approved for option #1!!!  We prayed that God would clearly open the door (of which option) would be His choice and that door flung open.  My oncologist had warned us that the government could say no and that we could be denied the chemo based on budget.  The trial nurse seemed pretty happy that we got approval so quickly. 

Please pray that the cancer in my lungs will stop. shrink. be gone completely.  Please pray that the 'possibly something' on my liver is gone completely.  Please continue to pray for my bladder health.

We also really strongly need your prayers for coping and peace and joy in this Christmas season and smiles and happy moments with our kids and some normal.  Please, God, bring us normal in each day.

And please, be very careful with what you say about any of this in front of your kids, so that we can continue to protect our kids as best we can and as is age appropriate within our family values and as to what/how Shawn and I share information with the kids.   This is just such an insane reality and we are all worn and weary and stretched thin emotionally and just plain done about cancer.   Please pray that God will keep soft their hearts.

Thank you for your continued support.  I have tears right now just thinking of your pray-ers, and the anonymous gifts that show up at our door, and the meals and the groceries at exactly the right time.  We are so blessed and you are just amazing and I just don't know how we could maintain any sanity without God and without the tangible help that you bring.  My heart is full.  And sick and tired of having cancer and completely ready to celebrate a miracle.  All at the same time.  [weak smile]

The last two days have been very busy and full with no naps.  Today I am very weary and yet have to go traipse around town in search of a B12 shot (apparently there is a shortage and no pharmacy has any???) that I must have today or else I cannot have chemo next week.   Ah, another blip in the journey.  Going to phone the Cancer Agency pharmacy and see what they've got.  God will provide.

Thank you for loving us in all this messiness.  I am so grateful.  Today I'm just also really really tired.