Hello Good Morning.
It's 5am and I'm up.  Should be sleeping but I think I pulled a muscle in my sharkbite, and then that has caused sharp pain in my right rib cage... from the chemo chair.  They had me lay sideways in that deep recliner and then tip me head-down to try and get the clot to move...and something tweaked.  Yowch.  Too much time sitting and laying around.  Shawn brought the treadmill into the house so I can get moving.  It's cold and sunny but the sidewalks are so slippery that I can't always risk the walking outdoors.  Got up and did some calistenics this morning.  Should be back to sleep so I can be up and out for my 9am appointment.  Curious to see how today unfolds.  Need to go to the chiropractor so bad, no one will risk it.  So, walking and stretching I shall do... and maybe I'll try the WiiFit.  My Wii age is probably 112 yrs old!  lol

Will need to figure out some pillows to stuff into the chemo chair...it's built for taller folks than I but there are lots of pillows and blankies at the hospital so will make myself a little nest.  Last night the Rubik's cube sharp pain came back briefly, I think I was laying too much on my back.  I need a personal nurse... keep forgetting to take my vitamin D and calcium, it's a huge effort to remember to drink the 6-10 glasses of water per day.  Need a sticker chart like in kindergarten, but I'd forget to add the stickers.  My brain is used to juggling a zillion things, and it's taking a long while to adjust to just two or three.  [eye roll]

Mom is taking me to chemo today.  Shawn has so many scheduled things at work that I felt bad asking him to move.  Mom will be a good companion so I'm not worried about that at all... but I will miss my husband.  I just want him with me all the time.  Another new thing...life is more 'two ships passing in the night' with schedules and four kids...and then scary happens and you just want what you want: your spouse. 

Feeling pretty mellow.  Not afraid of the chemo.  Need to work on my facial expression...make it more neutral.  Poor nurses always think I'm scared out of my mind when really I'm just processing and thinking and it furrows my brow.  Today... I will work really hard to process with a more neutral face.  And I'll remember the emla (numbing) cream for my port.  I remembered just one minute before she called my name yesterday...and that sent me to huge fretting.  The nurse brought ice and the humungous stabby needle slid right in.  THANK YOU LORD.  But... now that there are a few hole marks in that little port area... emla!  It just makes my brain relax, takes one thing off the list.

Looking forward to getting more cancer eradicated out of me... go chemo, do your job!!!!

Have started looking forward to the summer...even speaking to the future a little.  It's a weird and difficult thing.  I've always parented with very specific words....our kids can totally pick out a nuance of a promise or punishment based on one word added or left out... they know I only speak what I can deliver on.  Cancer has changed that from my perspective... I still only want to promise what I can deliver on, but... this medical journey is open-ended, no 'cure by' date.  I'm happy to notice that I have referred to camping and summer a few times... that's good progress on the worry and peace front.  I work hard to cultivate a positive attitude, but I also don't want to make sweeping statements or promises that would be broken.  I always want my words to be true.  I think that's why I like the Bible verses and quotes... uplifting, affirming, God's power not my nerves.

The weather has been so sunny and beautiful the last few days... here's hoping that the sky stays bright even though clouds have rolled in.  Suddenly it feels like it should be spring, and yet it's not even February yet!  [smile]  Cabin fever. 

I'm pulling together a few projects to keep myself from feeling like I'm not contributing to the family...sorting paperwork, photos into albums maybe, a little sewing perhaps.  Nothing to huge, but something to keep the days moving forward.  I don't want to become such a sloth that in a year from now, when I'm recovered, I have to work super hard to get out of the slothness... better to keep chugging forward little by little!

May the Lord bless your day.
Kristin