Dinner time. Stress on a good day... the bewitching hour. Hard when momma is frustrated with her lack of energy and ability and being-here-ness. Apparently I was snippy... "Don't breathe on the pizza!"... "Every night we need ..."... the usual. Pretty sure most dinners at most houses have elements of this. Tonight, when B (8yrs) prayed for dinner, "... And I pray for mommy's rampage, that you will calm her down and make her shoulder feel better and give money to the poor people so they can have food."
And for me... heaps of guilt. And then for him, heaps of sorrow for hurting my feelings. For everyone, confusion. In fairness, I wasn't even rampaging. In fairness, he later explained that he was trying to explain how I felt to the others around the table. What the hellaballoo is going on around here?! Oh, ya, cancer. Sickness with a dragging-out-too-long-already learning curve. Still figuring things out. Ready to be better now. Now. Please. Now! Oi. Praying for patience for us all. And peace.
Feeling whiny maybe? Sorry. Also trying to just document a bit of the reality of the feelings and emotions here.
No need for sorry. Whiny is allowed, I am sure. It sucks, the confusion & all. Boo
ReplyDeleteHugs & prayers
xox
I've been thinking about this post since Monday. It's hard enough being a mommy without the extra stress and exhaustion. Praying extra peace, patience and understanding this week.
ReplyDeleteFrom our family to yours... Love you!
Kori